Hasbro has opened up pre-sale orders online for a 14″ Cloverfield monster figure that includes two interchangeable heads (calm and agitated), 10 parasites, one Statue of Liberty head and hours upon hours of fighting off dust-mites. Obviously, an extremely jelz Godzilla is subbing in above because no images have been released by the company, but other details include “70 points of articulation,” “incredible life-like detail” and “authentic sound.” The figure sells for an authentically Manhattanish $99.99 and won’t arrive at your or your parents’ door until…October. And yes, it’s Bad Robot-approved.

For that kind of cabbage I’d expect a stealth bomber and a month’s supply of Slusho mix, or at least a mumbling Marlena, or her phone number.