Posted on Wednesday, October 31st, 2012 by Angie Han
On the other hand, we’d rather kiss a Wookiee than face a new installment by any of these guys. In no particular order:
Len Wiseman‘s somehow become Hollywood’s go-to guy for reviving old properties, but here’s hoping he stays the hell away from this one. If Total Recall is any indication, his idea of reviving the classics is to root out everything that made them unique — and therefore potentially off-putting — and sub in expensive-looking mediocrity instead. Star Wars is great because it’s a little bit weird. If Wiseman were allowed to turn VII into a bland sci-fi action thriller interchangeable with any other, that’d do more damage to the series than George Lucas‘ worst ideas ever could.
The Star Wars films have never been especially interested in sublety, but hire Zack Snyder, director of the groaningly obvious Watchmen, and we can expect an especially heavyhanded installment. Probably stuffed with speed-ramped light saber duels. Then there’s the fact that we’ve already seen what Snyder would do with a kickass lady like Leia. It was called Sucker Punch, and it wasn’t pretty.
We all remember what happened with X-Men: The Last Stand, right? The last thing the Star Wars series needs is for Brett Ratner to come aboard and do for it what he did for the X-Men movies. Namely, drop the resonant themes that carried the stories through the first two installments, reduce beloved characters to stock types, and then bog everything down in a confused storyline overloaded with loud but forgettable action sequences.
If you want popcorn entertainment with big, expensive explosions and characters you don’t have to think too hard about, Michael Bay is your guy. If you want a Star Wars movie that does justice to Han, Luke, and Leia (or whomever) and their epic story while also delivering thrilling action, you’re best off looking elsewhere. Besides, we already know what his sense of humor is like. If he doesn’t wind up bringing back Jar-Jar, he’ll probably just wind up creating a character that’s equally groanworthy.
Yes, we know the official word is that George Lucas will be a “creative consultant” on the franchise going forward, but we just want to make extra double sure he doesn’t get any ideas about getting back into the director’s chair. It’s too late to encourage him to quit while he’s ahead, but for God’s sake let’s hope he really and truly backs off before he runs this thing into the ground once and for all.
Discuss: Which names are we wrong about? Who’d we miss?