are you ready for freddy

5. Freddy Krueger, the Crypt-Keeper and Jason Voorhees Star in Their Own Music Videos:

As previously addressed, Pinhead wasn’t the only horror icon to shake, rattle and roll with headlining musical acts. I was going to give each legend their own segment, but to minimize repetition, let’s chart a quick list of horror icons getting their own music video spotlights.

The Fat Boys – “Are You Ready For Freddy”

First up is Freddy Krueger’s run-in with The Fat Boys. Their song, “Are You Ready For Freddy,” was used as the theme for A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master and features a rapping Robert Englund in fully Krueger makeup. The “Boys” encounter Freddy after entering a pretty-obviously-haunted Elm Street house and he walk-chases Prince Markie Dee, Kool Rock-Ski and Buff Love while spittin’ dope rhymes. For real – Freddy raps. Thank you, the ’80s.

“Crypt Jam”

Not to be outdone, the Crypt-Keeper hit the early ’90s with a smooth R&B track titled “The Crypt Jam.” Voice actor John Kassir squeals puns like “We’ll have skele-TONS of fun!” while zombie dancers pop, lock and drop in the background. Cue the obligatory hot-chick-shakes-butt-next-to-the-Crypt-Keeper’s-face shot, so-bad-it’s-good awkwardness and Mr. Keeper dressed like Samuel L. Jackson. It’s the Tales From The Crypt/House Party crossover you never knew you wanted.

The Menzingers – “I Don’t Wanna Be An Asshole Anymore”

Wolfie’s Just Fine – “A New Beginning”

Crystal Lake’s famed murderer makes two notable appearances in modern music, completely separated from any film promotion. First in a story of reform for The Menzingers’ “I Don’t Wanna Be An Asshole Anymore,” and then again in Wolfie’s Just Fine’s tribute “A New Beginning” (sung by comedian Jon Lajoie). One gives Jason a chance to turn a new leaf, the other is an acknowledgement of how slasher films awakened many a viewer’s sexuality. Vastly different. Both winners.

6. Chucky Introducing Clips at the 1990 Horror Hall of Fame 

This isn’t as weird since Child’s Play turned Chucky into an immediate horror icon. What better way to celebrate the release of Child’s Play 2 than sticking Chucky in a white suit and plopping him on-stage at the 1990 Horror Hall of Fame ceremony? With Robert Englund flanking him, Chucky introduced the year’s best-and-brightest in International Horror, from a Bollywood vampire musical to Amsterdamned. It’s all about Brad Dourif doing his best “Jack Nicholson At An Awards Ceremony” schtick, complete with a nice little marketing ploy near the end. It’s nice to see a dapper side of Chucky (although maybe he should see a better tailor next time).

7. Freddy Krueger vs. Jason Voorhees Las Vegas Weigh-In

When Freddy vs. Jason was announced, horror fans viewed the throwdown as their version of a heavyweight title bout. What better way for New Line Cinema to promote the event than with an actual Las Vegas weigh-in? Michael Buffer announcing, kill-counts compared, entrance robes – studio heads wanted Freddy vs. Jason to be an event. “Press” were even allowed to ask questions after the weigh-in. Jason had no comment.

Points are awarded just for Freddy’s hockey goalie joke, as lame-tastic as the set-up is. Double points for Robert Englund and Ken Kirzinger appearing as their on-screen killers, if reports are to be believed. Englund’s Krueger sounds a bit different in real life, but the wit is still there. I’ll buy it.

8. Freddy Krueger on Japanese Television 

If you think I have any idea what in the name of satanic panic is going on in that video…good luck. All I know is that Robert Englund appeared on a Japanese variety show called “Kato-Chan Ken-Chan Gokigen” in full Freddy Krueger makeup. At first it’s just weird, then the fake mustaches come out. And everyone starts playing a toss-the-ball game where Krueger’s “victims” must stab said ball with a replica blade glove. And Freddy starts dancing. Then there’s a bit where Freddy appears pantsless, standing over a woman in bed in the creepiest, most suggestively WTF way.

9. Freddy “1-900” Hotlines

1-900-909-FRED. Did any of you call this number? $2 for the first minute, .45 cents each additional one? It’s a steep price even considering inflation, but who doesn’t want a personal “Deadtime Story” read to them? Intro by Freddy, again on the outro to keep you dialed-in for an extra buck.

Or maybe you called 1-900-860-4-FRED to test your Freddy Krueger knowledge? Maybe you won the $10K as promised, or even a role in A Nightmare On Elm Street 6? God bless the internet. Nowadays, you’d just have some kind of online campaign to win special coverage/experiences. No more having to talk to fake Freddy Kruegers or pay telephone toll charges. Still doesn’t erase these gems from history, though!

If any die-hard fans want to hear one of Freddy’s Deadtime Stories, Dwayne Cathey was nice enough to upload 45-minutes worth of ‘em to the internet for prosperity. Just try not to think about how much the compilation cost…

Continue Reading The 14 Weirdest Horror Icon Appearances >>

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