The Prom Night remake slept with $22 million over the weekend, so expect more…”PG-13 tiara horror”; which also means you can expect more requisite, “Is Horror Dead, I Mean Really Dead This Time?” editorials on other sites. Fango reports via a privy industry site that writing duo Josh Stolberg and Peter Goldfinger, who are responsible for this July’s 3D Piranha remake (I predict it will both slay and make a tidy profit), have finished a script for another remake: 1983’s The House on Sorority Row. No news yet on the studio/director/tipping point.
The original is not the worst slasher I’ve ever seen, if simply for the fact that having a pool/house partaay with friends right after you’ve killed an old lady sounds like fun, in theory. Having aforementioned non-GILF come back from the dead and cane horny teens to death? Less so. What, no gumming? So, yeah, remake remake remake. Sweat it out. I wonder how many weeks we have until there’s an announced remake for Slumber Party Massacre? The prototypical, huffy ’80s horror villain cruising around in the so-not-suspect Amber Alert windowless van has to set his stare on a Brittany Snow doppleganger (oxymoron?) sooner than later.
Discuss: Is PG-13 cheerleader horror the new CGI talking forest-animal movie?Â
I can’t lie: diehard fans of the original Prom Night from 1980 give me the creeps. It’s not that it’s a low rent slasher, it’s just not very good, or even campy. If you want a comely Jamie Lee Curtis, revisit Halloween. She smokes a joint as “Don’t Fear the Reaper” plays in that one. Or put on Trading Places and pause it on her ta-tas as you vacuum your apartment. Be a champ. The new trailer for April’s PG-13 remake is tearing up the Internets like a glass dancefloor, and as you might expect, the bright eyed high school victims look like 30somethings who sprouted from an L.A. Petri dish. The actual prom is so extravagant and over-produced I expected Miss South Carolina to cameo and suddenly get her head knocked off by a globe. Telling fact: the next film of Jessica Stroup, one of the no name actresses in this, is a similar thriller entitled Homecoming.
Let’s not kid ourselves that this flick exemplifies humanity’s plasticity, but like Kurt Vonnegut says, there’s no need to put on a suit of armor to attack a hot fudge sundae. That’s why god made the Web, bed head, Hanes v-necks, pudding stains, and the word, “derrrr.” However, it is more disgruntling that Prom Night‘s director, Nelson McCormick, is next remaking 1987’s groovy The Stepfather. Even worse, a remake of the cult classic April Fool’s Day is hitting theaters ten days before tiaras get showered in blood. Okay, now I’m friggin’ outraged. Who’s with me?
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ShockTilYouDrop has a new movie poster for the remake of Prom Night, and a new banner for The Eye starring Jessica Alba, both of which look really horrible (I’m talking about the posts and the movies they are promoting). Check them out after the jump.
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