Jurassic Park 3 Honest Trailer

This weekend brings Jurassic Park: Fallen Kingdom to theaters. And while it seems like there’s not much excitement surrounding the sequel, it’s still on track to have a big opening weekend somewhere between $130 million and $140 million. That may not be as big as the opening of Jurassic World, but that’s perfectly fine. At the very least we know this won’t be a disaster on par with what is probably the worst film in the franchise.

Jurassic Park 3 was released in 2001 in a desperate attempt to keep the franchise relevant. Instead, they threw out everything that made the first movie a classic and the second movie tolerable and turned it into an excuse to have dinosaurs chase after stupid characters and taint everything that came before it. Oh, and it has a fucking talking raptor in it.

Watch the Jurassic Park 3 Honest Trailer

Whew. I remember this movie being bad, but this Honest Trailer really hits home how awful it truly is. Aside from the fact that the movie is full of some of the worst characters you’ve ever seen in a blockbuster movie, it features Sam Neill phoning in a performance as Dr. Alan Grant, as well as a performance from Laura Dern that is literally phoned in. What a waste.

But for me, the most frustrating thing about this movie is how the ability to print the vocal chords of a velociraptor somehow makes it easily possible for a human to effectively speak like the cunning dinosaur in an efficient enough manner to trick a pack of them into thinking there’s another raptor somewhere who needs help. Are you fucking kidding me?! Get the hell out of here, Jurassic Park 3. You’re drunk.

Cool Posts From Around the Web: