News arrived over the weekend that Machete himself, Danny Trejo, had joined the cast of Predators, the sci-fi revamp that Robert Rodriguez has been given creative carte blanche to make in hopes of a blockbuster. Well, our pals at Latino Review have read the script by Michael Finch, Alex Litvak, and RR and they declare it, “a 90-page kick-ass sci-fi movie worthy of the original. The script isn’t some lame PG-13 follow-up. It’s a bloody, violent hard-R script.” The script features a multi-culti, motley crew of criminals, “Predator hunting dogs,” and “Predator falcons,” the latter two of which remind me of the Avatar trailer. Spoilerish details to follow…

The main character in the film is a man named Royce, whom LR compare to Steve McQueen in terms of his steely demeanor and tough guy heroics. Royce is abducted by the Predators—they apparently admire a human kill he committed—and is later dropped via parachute onto their jungle planet. There he encounters seven other humans, and not unlike Rodriguez’s From Dusk Til Dawn, it’s a colorful group of derelicts: there’s a Mexican uzi-packing drug cartel enforcer (likely Trejo’s role, ha.); a “Russian bear” with a rotary machine gun; a female sniper who speaks fluent French; a gangster-esque felon who wields a makeshift knife; a black death squad member from Africa; a yakuza named Hanzo; and an unassuming, smallish-type guy who is on the FBI’s most wanted list. (Calling Con Air‘s John Malkovich.)

I guess the movie’s unlikely group of humans doesn’t actually know the unofficial name of the alien species they’re visiting, because they soon reach the realization that…they’re being hunted. LR describes the Predators’ home as…

The Predator planet is a game perserve and our eight humans are the game and are hunted by alien Predator dogs, Predator falcons, and the most cool, the Predator that is orchestistrating everything…is a super Predator, think of a normal Predator jacked up on steroids! In the script he is referred to as Black Super Predator.

No discos? LR says the Black Super Predator—no clarification on the “Black,” but this film already sounds like a more grindhouse-y version of the original: Super Rasta?—is joined by two other super P’s. It’s not pretty. The hunted human protagonists eventually encounter another human, a recluse and survivor that resides in a cave, and he alerts them that…humans have been abducted and used for prey for years. Somebody buy that dude with the purple cape on Jerry Springer a beer, he was right all along.

As long as Robert Rodiguez and his protege, Nimród Antel, who is officially credited as the director, don’t rush the production and apply the care, SFX, and detail of Sin City to Predator, I’m all in for this one come next summer. However, while the Predator franchise is definitely a more macho one than Alien, I would still rather see Predators drift into a more serious, sci-fish direction akin to Scott’s original Alien. Perhaps, this will occur down the line if and when Predators brings some box office fire and restores a legacy tarnished by the AVP travesties.

Oh yeah, and LR says there’s room for a cameo by the Governor of California. Danny Glover is too old for that shit. Etc.

What’s your impression of Predators based on the news?

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