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For years, guys in high school have barely wondered what the source is to the mysterious glitter found on their clothes for days and months after vacating a girl’s bedroom. Has Etsy finally let the immortal, sparkling, man-shaped, phallic-necked, vampire pillow out of the bag?

This week, photos of $35 Twilight-themed ”manllows” like the nightmarish one above—the Robert “Pasty” Pattison model—made the leap from an Etsy shop to Tumblr, causing the latter site to become more difficult to tolerate. After the jump, we have a deeper look at this troubling trend of male objectification for the sake of fem-geek bedtime fantasy. This just in: the first documentation of a Twilighter manillow sandwich…

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“Never mind, I found a bookmark. Two of them. Ha.”

Here is the official item description for the Taylor Lautner manllow…

For all the twilight [sic] crazed lonely women in the world, Jacob Black is finally here to be with you and only you. Sleep with him, cuddle with him, use him as a neck rest, the Jacob Manllow is there to be your man and pillow all in one. Don’t worry, in the Manllow world, all men are of age.

What is creepier? The sentence highlighted above or the fact that “manllow” is so close to “Manilow, Barry”?

Or simply knowing that these manllows are currently sold-out?

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“Last weekend, my manllow and I made Valentine’s Day number one. Wouldn’t it be great if Hollywood decided to make movies titled and themed after every holiday now? Wait, they are?! Fun!”

Question: In your opinion, does the manllow affect Lautner’s chances of becoming the next Hollywood action star?

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