WEEDS (season 5)

At the end of our previous Weeds Session, we pondered why the Botwin clan, and specifically Nancy, were not taking day offs from their, um, non-jobs to patron a shooting range. The stakes in season five more than necessitate practicing self-defense across the board. And, c’mon, surely, Cesar has a few pistolas or an AK-47 laying around and directions to a desolate, empty field. (Yeah. He probably has a couple hundred of them X’d on a blood-stained map.)

And of course, it turns out we were right. Spoiler Alert: The episode that followed, number nine, “Suck ‘N’ Spit,” saw bullets fly and connect. But rather than pop off return shots, the following episodes have seen the Botwins pop pills, pop bottles of beer in the pool…and pop up in Guillermo‘s cell to order a hit. After the jump, we’ll discuss the latest developments from last Monday’s ep, “Ducks and Tigers.” With the season five finale only two episodes away, chime in with your opinions and predictions in the comments.

A Dysfunctional, Heavily Fortified Villa Beats an Empty Nest

After numerous seasons of being in pseudo-control, from deftly playing the Feds to sexing goons in alleys, Nancy’s years of table-turning and being a shitty parent have finally caught up. Now married with child—yeah, crazy—to Esteban, who continues to run for office as an independent, Nancy breaks down and confesses to him that she’s ruined her two eldest sons. The irony of this conversation is so full-circle it should smack her in the boob. Shane and Silas would simply respond to her prolonged realization with an indifferent, “Duh. Thanks Mom.”

In the last three eps, and particularly in this one, the tension and disappointment exchanged between Nancy and her sons has reached an uncomfortable and realistic new high. In one of the villa’s many bathrooms, Shane shuns his mom’s dazed attempt to re-wrap his bullet wound. A few feet away Silas stares at them. By now, the peers of 18-year-old Silas (does he have any?) are leaving home to fulfill their ambitions and potential at university; meanwhile, he’s lingering around with a defunct pot business and behaving like an aloof stoner model. The surprise arrival of Esteban’s incredibly foxy and erudite daughter, Adelita, is a cold-water refresher for Silas and will likely be an education unto itself.

WEEDS (season 5)

Not only does Silas pick up a book (haha) to impress Adelita (surprise, it doesn’t), but his mom’s painfully brief encounter with this younger lady-of-the-house requires Nancy to sharpen up as well. Esteban likes this. In an earlier scene, he stumbles over to Nancy to deliver a drunken boast that Adelita is far superior to Silas, whom he labels agreeable but “a simple boy.” Nancy places Esteban on couch arrest for the uncouth and competitive remark. However, near episode’s end, it is Nancy who joins him there, vulnerable, pathetic, and curling into a fetal position. She’s in tears. Sure, they’re married, but this shoulder still appears incredibly temporary. The couple quietly discuss why their tater tot, Stevie Ray, won’t accept Nancy’s breast milk. Nancy theorizes that it’s because she’s “toxic.” (Even in the literal sense, it’s suggested. Was Nancy formerly into hard drugs? I don’t recall this.)

Guillermo and Nancy: YouTube Animal Tango

Previously, Nancy met with Guillermo in jail to arrange the assassination of Pilar—the dangerous female politico consultant/cock-blocker of Esteban behind the recent shoot out. In this ep, Nancy revisits ‘Ermo behind bars for a follow-up. There are no new developments. Instead, Guillermo cracks off a random tale about muscling AT&T into dismissing his cell phone contract. One of the show’s writers must be incredibly irate with their plan. Update: Weeds writer Stephen Falk tweets me in response: “No. I have AT&T. I just felt like giving them shit.” Afterward, Guillermo suggests that Nancy use her “Mexi-juice” to have him transferred to Mexico, where he’s like “David Blaine.” That metaphor doesn’t really gel, though, mainly because David Blaine would choose to “slide under doors” by starving himself, flattening himself, and then sliding at a snail-like pace. Guillermo’s follow-up analogy, the one referenced in the ep’s title, was a lot better…

“We’re like one of those YouTube videos, you know where a tiger and a duck get all confused, they, um, become friends. And you know, it seems okay, but you never really know, do you?”

With only two episodes left in season five, we’ll soon find out if Nancy’s duck is cooked—cheesy pun, us. As it stands, we think Guillermo remains far too maniacally bitter about Nancy’s double-cross and her stint as a rat to not retaliate. He’s obsessed with criminal code, and Nancy’s leaked info set back his operation for, oh, only a year. Probably more. The simpatico days are long gone. Which makes us wonder why Nancy is going back to this poisoned well for favors. Keep your enemies closer, okay. But there are truckloads of goons in Mexico and California (also: outside prison) who could pull off the murder. What do you think?

Alanis gets a Check-Up. Celia gets a Finger-Up.

The less said about the scenes with Andy and Alanis in this ep the better. All of the flirting, namedropping icky anatomy terms, and performing cunnilingus under lamp light with abortion crazies protesting gave us Cronenbergian chills. Meanwhile, Celia has made a mint selling weed-enhanced cosmetics. The next step? Experimenting with lesbianism. Seems like a tired detour to us.

A perennial toe-dipper (another bad pun, natch), Celia quizzes her perpetually-stunned and grossed out daughter, Isabelle, on the lez lifestyle. Isabelle (who has ditched her sunglasses-fad much to our chagrin) teams up with Doug and Dean (playing Cheech and Chong these days) to plot a Dunkirk on the bitch. Interesting. As always, we predict that Isabelle will be the lone character who ends up living the good life when Weeds wraps up for good.

WEEDS (season 5)

The Bust

No doubt hinting at complications to come in the grand finale, “Ducks and Tigers” concludes with a campaigning Esteban being placed under arrest in public for 1.) conspiracy 2.) tax evasion and 3-20.) lots of other badness. To our surprise, Esteban’s signature facade of cool is overtaken by worry and frustration before he even reaches the cop car. The guy needs a publicist. Cesar pulling his gun on the cops will not suffice. It was nevertheless a charming reaction. He’s a keeper. Nancy looks on in mild shock. The usual. Her mate is checked. Cops now appear in and out of her life like a flash mob. All that’s missing in this scene is a Jamba Juice.

Episode Eleven and the Season Finale

Official Plot Synopsis for Next Monday’s Ep, “Glue”: “Andy joins Nancy and Cesar on their search for Esteban. Dean and Doug make good on their plan to get back at Celia. Silas and Shane find themselves becoming protective of their new step-sister Adelita.”

Note: The show finished shooting for the season earlier this summer. Here’s what Kevin Nealon tweeted back in July: “Celia in her Col Kurtz-like mode in final ep. filming of 5th Season. At least another season to come.”

Past /Film Weeds Sessions for S5 in Chronological Order: One Two Three Four

Hunter Stephenson can reached at h.attila[@]gmail.com and on twitter.
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