There are those in Hollywood that will tell you the pitch process is among the most demeaning and inhuman things a writer can do. I don’t believe that. Usually. Every once in a while a trailer comes along that plays exactly like the pitch you hear in your head for the movie in question. The trailer for Tooth Fairy, which stars Dwayne Johnson as a mean old jerk of a hockey player who becomes a tooth fairy, is very much one of these. Suddenly, pitching a story to Hollywood execs seems very demeaning. Or maybe it’s getting the movie made that is demeaning?
Watching the trailer is like standing curbside for a parade of lost souls. Look, there goes Stephen Merchant! Oh, Ashley Judd, what happened to you? Not you, too, Billy Crystal! (Crystal appears to still be wearing his outfit from Halloween ’08…we never could tell if he was meant to be dumpy Christopher Walken or the cousin of Dustin Hoffman from Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium.) Julie Andrews, you probably had this coming. We still remember The Princess Diaries 2.
Here’s the plot:
Johnson is Derek “The Tooth Fairy” Thompson, a hard-charging minor league hockey player whose nickname comes from his habit of separating opposing players from their bicuspids. When Derek discourages a youngster’s hopes, he’s sentenced to one week’s hard labor as a real tooth fairy, complete with the requisite tutu, wings and magic wand. At first, Derek “can’t handle the tooth” – bumbling and stumbling as he tries to furtively wing his way through strangers’ homes…doing what tooth fairies do. But as Derek slowly adapts to his new position,he begins to rediscover his own forgotten dreams.
I’m not going to say that this is a movie for the sort of real-life Office Space nitwit who speaks phrases like “someone’s got a cast of the Mondays!” and means it. But it looks like that movie. Blame Yahoo for hosting the trailer. And me for showing it to you.