The network that gifted America The Two Coreys and Biography: Megan Fox is ready to release its new reality spin on COPS entitled Steven Seagal: Lawman. /Film was unable to confirm with A&E at press time that Seagal was shot and killed while akido-chopping a bum huffing duster in midst of crashing a glory hole ring.
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Wait, Machete actually needs a script not scrawled by knives in gringo blood? Following the recent, zany casting rundown for the cheapo flick that includes Robert De Niro, Lindsay Lohan, Don Johnson, and Steven Seagal (…walk into a bar), Latino Review have the first script review for the unlikely Grindhouse spin-off. You may recall that Jonah Hill was said to have passed on the film after reading a draft by director Robert Rodriguez. Well, LR’s reviewer is non-plussed by his script as well, calling it a rushed, whiz-bang effort, even for the Austin-auteur who sprayed out Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Some choice excerpts and a few thoughts on the project after the jump…
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Not too long ago there were rumors that Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis were looking at some outrageous names for Machete, the full-length version of the great Grindhouse trailer starring Danny Trejo. We basically knew that Lindsay Lohan was confirmed after she said as much the other day via Twitter. But now a Variety report on Overnight Productions, the outfit financing Machete, seems to confirm most of the great cast rumors. Details after the jump. Read More »
UPDATE: I would like to thank the NAVY SEALS for reading my post.
We were so close to posting two Steven Seagal items in a single month. It would have made for a Slashfilm record and depressing office party. The contemplative martial artist marinated with MTV on the status of Under Siege 3, the (only?) vehicle that would return him to theaters. As you might expect, Seagal has put a lot of thought into where his John McClane, the Navy Seal chef Casey Rybeck, is headed…
“I personally want it to be something more modern. [long pause] In other words, [long pause] I wouldn’t mind if it was about something more mystical or [five minute pause] maybe extraterrestrial in nature. Some real government top secrets instead of just the typical.” [365 day pause]
His proposal was caught on video. Reliably, the actor says there are offers on the table. We previously wondered if Sylvester Stallone was taking Rambo V in a similar direction when he said he wanted to change genres and go “surreal.” Based on recent news of that project moving forward, it seems unlikely. Meanwhile, Jean-Claude’s gone meta- to decent reviews, and Arnold’s still wrapped up with California leaving John Davis’s Predator 3 a pipe dream. Is Seagal the man to defend our planet from space invaders? He sure kicked Eric Bogosian’s egomaniacal ass the last time around.
Discuss: Interested? What’s the ideal plot for Under Siege 3?
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Cinematical has a lovely gallery of images for the new Steven Seagal starrer Kill Switch, including the spoilerish one above. Alas, fans hoping for a theatrical comeback from the widow’s peaked wonder (and latest addition to the Geek Squad) will have to make due with an October DVD release and this angina-inducing logline…
Detective Jacob Stillwell (Steven Seagal) is one of the most celebrated homicide detectives in the country. His brutal delivery of street justice is legendary among the men and women of law enforcement. But on this latest case, he may have finally met his match Lazerus, a cunning and perversely violent killer who is on the loose and terrorizing the inner city.
America’s resident Seagalogist, Vern, has already seen the film and reports that Seagal’s dedication to violence is almost worrisome here (he curbs a guy’s teeth on a bar). Kill Switch marks one of the last acting performances by the late Isaac Hayes, and is directed by Jeff King. Next up for Seagal is Ruslan, a straight-to-DVD release, also from King, in which he plays a Russian crime novelist sucked back into the Russian underworld to hand out more street justice and entertain repeat viewers of Kill Switch.
Discuss: …the last Seagal movie you remember watching.
The Pitch: Steven Seagal plays in this summers hardest ballbusting flick.. a real wonk in the nut sack!
Watch More Cool Videos Here!
Video of the Day is a daily feature of /Film showcasing geekarific video creations. Have a video we should be feature on VOTD? E-Mail us at email@example.com.
Here is a round up of stories that just didn’t make the /Film front page, or what we like to call…. Page 2!
Lobster Johnson created this custom Heath Ledger-version Joker Munny.
Patrick Read Johnson has found financing to complete post production on his autobiographical indie “77,” (formerly titled 5/25/77) which chronicles the director’s journeys in Hollywood with George Lucas and Steven Spielberg. [THR]
William Shatner claims JJ Abrams never called him back. [trekmovie]
Warner Bros has scheduled a September 19th release date for Whiteout. [shock]
JustJared has new photos from the set of Crank 2: High Voltage which show star Jason Statham with some nasty fake scars on his back.
WALL-E was given a G-Rating by the MPAA.Â [animatednews]
Cineleet takes a look at the influences of Star Wars in a column titled Before the Galaxy Far, Far Away.
The Incredible Hulk has invaded New York City. Head over to Marvel for more images.
Eric Lively, Tony Todd and Gil Bellows have been cast in the “24” prequel. [THR]
MTV has the first chapter of Vern’s new book Seagalogy: A Study of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal.
Sony Pictures Classics is in final negotiations for James Toback‘s boxing documentary “Tyson,” which chronicles the life of former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson. [THR]
MovieMistakes has a list of over 70 mistakes from the original Indiana Jones series.
Blockbuster is advertising on Pizza boxes?! [Gizmodo]
Rotten Tomatoes takes a look at the top 20 sequels they’re still waiting for.
The Disney Movie Surfers have taken a behind-the-scenes look at WALL-E, and new footage is featured.
Fanboy has a look at all the Indiana Jones Knock-Offs in a segment they call The Hall of Shame.
Jim Hill blogs about the lost action sequences where Indiana Jones battled samurai and a machine-gun toting warlord, that was cut from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
The Daily Mail has the first photo of a bald Cameron Diaz on the set of My Sister’s Keeper. Scary!
Star Wars: The Clone Wars will be rated PG for "sci-fi action violence throughout, brief language and momentary smoking." [io9]
NBC will air a special Incredible Hulk-themed episode of “American Gladiators” with guest star Lou Ferrigno. [SHH]
Madonna‘s newest film, a documentary about the struggles of Malawi, titled I Am Because We Are, will screen at Michael Moore’s Traverse City Film Festival in August. [variety]
One of NECA’s comic con exclusives is an action figure three pack from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles featuring a set of three Mousers. [mechzilla]
FestivalCentral asks people at Cannes how to pronounce the title of Charlie Kaufman‘s directorial debut Synecdoche, New York. Jeff Wells reports that Kaufman says the pronunciation is “Syn-ECK-duh-kee.”
Blogwarts has yet another new (but way too small) photo from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.
Twentieth Century Fox paid $550,000 to the Smithsonian Institution for the right to use its name in Night at the Museum 2: Escape From the Smithsonian. [sci-fi]
Build your own cubecraft Indiana Jones and Golden Idol on Cubecraft.com.
Fangoria reports that actor Glenn Morshower is set to return to Transformers 2. Morshower is best known for playing a secret service agent in 24, and appeared in the original movie as a military Sargent at the US Soccent.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine has wrapped principal photography. [iesb]
Check out these two videos from Sundance, director, writer and actor Clark Gregg discusses his new film Choke. [searchlight]
No, I haven’t read this book (although I plan to), but the title was enough to land this paperback a spot in our daily Cool Stuff. Seagalogy: A Study of the Ass-Kicking Films of Steven Seagal is a new 352 page book from AICN film critic Vern.
The cover describes the book as “an in-depth study of the world’s only aikido instructor turned movie star/director/writer/blues guitarist/energy drink inventor – the ass-kicking auteur Steven Seagal. From Above the Law to his Mountain Dew commercials, his entire career is covered in Vern’s inimitable style.” As Vern himself puts it, Seagalogy is “a book that will shake the very foundations of film criticism, break their wrists and then throw them through a window.”
Available in book stores on May 20th 2008 for $14.95 or for preorder on Amazon.com for $10.46.
Cool Stuff is a daily feature of slashfilm.com. Know of any geekarific creations or cool products which should be featured on Cool Stuff? E-Mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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So, it’s sort of official that Will Ferrell killed edgy comedy last weekend with his b-ball floparoni Semi-Pro. An R-rated afro, post-Herzog bear fighting, and the era that Peter Frampton built (the ’70s) only takes you so far in 2008. What’s the solution? How about a three-year-old movie from The Onion? Yes, ladies and gentlemen and hard working spider-bots, the long shelved The Onion Movie is scooting over onto a DVD shelf near you later this year.
“America’s Finest News Source,” The Onion is the funnier, ballsier grandfather to The Daily Show, and its satiric newspaper and website haven’t exactly tamed with age. It remains an Internet champion of sorts, launching a steady online video format last year that you curiously don’t hear or see too much about. Given its reliance on topical material, one wonders how the company’s first, very dusty, movie, under the Fox Searchlight banner, will play out in a popular culture that is starting to make crack look wimpy.
The movie’s trailer has been available here for sometime, and as you’ll see, it’s sort of a The Kentucky Fried Movie-meets-CNN skit-heavy effort. The Steven Seagal-starring skit, “Cockpuncher,” has probably entered conversation during about 5,000 bong sessions on college campuses nationwide since it was rumored in 2004. Still funny? You decide.
For a brand that faces stiff competition these days, you have to wonder if this flick should have been torched, or maybe thrown quietly online for free like fake vomit on a sidewalk. No release date has been announced.
Discuss: Can The Onion Movie still be funny three years late? And who would win a duel to the end, Seagal’s Cockpuncher or Trejo’s Machete?