Thar she blows. Not Tera Patrick, the NY Post’s equally shameless Page Six, which reports that the porn starlet is in talks with Quentin Tarantino for his remake of Faster, Pussycat, Kill! Kill! Back in January, you may remember that the Post‘s Liz Smith reliably dished that Britney Spears, Eva Mendes and Kim Kardashian were all set to star in this forthcoming project, one that seemingly exists inside a dingleberry-shaped galaxy owned by Rupert Murdoch. Patrick expressed her thanks for the consideration, which was disclosed via an anonymous inside source, of course…

“It would be the hottest remake ever, and I’m honored to be considered,” Patrick told Page Six. “I was built for this part.”

The rumor is already making the online rounds like a graphic swap. Tarantino, who’s being thoroughly GawkStalked in NYC, is currently in pre-production on his WW2-meets-Our Dreams-meets-“modern” film, Inglorious Bastards. Recently, The RZA said he’s still in contact with QT about Kill Bill, but noted that the auteur’s been on a reclusive writer’s binge as of late. Hey, maybe he’s been on the hamburger phone with Patrick’s burger as well. We’ll be sure to keep you updated…and we apologize for the delay in (not)approving your filthy comments on this post.

Discuss: “I was built for this part.”

Reader’s Take: /Film Commenter, Justin, enlightens with, “Tera’s boobs are fake, though. Wouldn’t it behoove the creator of a Russ Meyer remake to find naturally big breasted ladies?” /Film agrees.

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Quentin Tarantino is on a hellfire mission, codename: Inglorious Bastards. This new BBC article implies that he’s not backing down from his earlier claim that the film—now plural!—will be ready in time for next year’s Cannes Film Festival. And yet, there’s not even an official cast. It’s now known that the legendary casting rumors over the years, from Stallone to Arnold to Eddie Murphy to Adam Sandler, were but a dream, though some of those guys could still pop up. QT offered some new details on the look and feel for his epic WWII-gone-Spaghetti Western…

“I don’t want it to feel like a period film. I want it to feel current,” says Tarantino. “I want it to feel right now. One of the things I have to battle against is 30 years of Nazi-occupation TV movies where we’ve all seen the big streets and the vintage cars and the Swastikas, and we’ve just seen that ad nauseum. This is a modern, in-your-face movie. This is not a TV movie period piece.”

He added that the script “doesn’t look anything like” The Dirty Dozen. On the special features to the new three-disc release of 1978′s Inglorious Bastards, QT also told director Enzo G. Castellari that his film is in no way a remake/rehash of that film either, he just liked the title a lot. So, we’ve got that out of the way. Nothing else was specified, but he sounds ready to go…

“You’re talking to a real happy dude right now,” said Tarantino. Adding, “I didn’t know everyone knew about it, so this is actually kind of very bizarre for me.”

That’s funny, isn’t it? Given that everything we know about the project originated from QT over the years. Given that Tarantino’s films are usually set in a perplexing and signature haze where the ’70s intertwines with the present, his use of the word “current” could mean just about anything.

Discuss: I still can’t believe it’s finally happening, wow. What do you think of QT’s latest comments? What are you picturing?

Quentin Tarantino

Quentin Tarantino did a 40-minute interview with Enzo Castellari, the director of the original Inglorious Bastards (which Tarantino’s film is very loosely inspired by) for the three disc special edition dvd release. AICN has seen the interview and has a detailed rundown, which includes a few juicy tidbits about Tarantino’s Inglorious Bastards.

  • Two Films: Quentin says the story is too big for one movie, and will be split into two films, ala Kill Bill.
  • The Story: Set in World War II, Tarantino’s screenplay begins with a bunch of hardened criminals on a military transport that gets ambushed by Nazis. The prisoners escape and must fight the Nazis and the Allies on their journey to neutral Switzerland. How cool is that?
  • Casting: Over the years many names have been mentioned as being involved in the film. The list has included: Michael Madsen, Tim Roth, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Paul Walker, Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Johnny Depp, John Travolta, Harvey Keitel, Fred Williamson, John Jarratt, Mickey Rourke and Christopher Walken. Tarantino now claims that the names were just conversations and nothing more. Apparently, Tarantino, who usually writes his characters with specific actors in mind, he decided to go the more traditional route with Bastards by characters unlimited by dream castings.

Tarantino announced at Cannes that he finally completed the screenplay, and that “if all goes well [pregnant pause] I will be here 2009 at Cannes with my war film INGLORIOUS BASTARDS!!!” The film is supposedly in preproduction, and I’m still more skeptical than ever that Tarantino will be able to finish not one, but two films by May of 2009. But we’ll see. At least he’s finally making the movie.

Quentin Tarantino

When Quentin Tarantino announced at the 2008 Cannes Film Festival that he was finally going to make his big war epic Inglorious Bastards, I commented that Tarantino sometimes comes off like a compulsive liar. Because, lets face it, how many projects has this guy promised over the years that have not and probably will never come to fruition (The Vega Brothers, The Psychic Remake, the Kill Bill Prequel/sequel… etc). I think the guy just has a lot of ideas that he enjoys talking about.

A year earlier Tarantino told me he was going to write the script while doing international press for Grindhouse. The only reason I think he did Grindhouse was because he had Rodriguez kicking him in the ass the whole way. And don’t get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Tarantino’s filmography, but I’ve just gotten tired of being excited about the unproduced projects he’s announced over the years. So when he revealed his plans to bring Bastards to the 2009 Cannes Film Festival, it seemed rather unlikely. But there might just be some truth to it after all.

Tarantino was scheduled to appear at the Alamo Drafthouse’s Rolling Roadshow events in Spain but made a last minute cancellation. The official word is that “He has cleared all appearances to begin preproduction on his new feature, Inglorious Bastards.” So it appears like Inglorious Bastards might be happening after all.

Tarantino has described Inglorious Bastards as a “Spaghetti Western set in France during World War II”. Based Loosely on the premise of The Dirty Dozen, the story centers around a rag tag group of soldiers that are sent on a deadly mission as an alternative to being court-marshaled or put to death. Over the years the rumored cast list has included the likes of Michael Madsen, Adam Sandler, Eddie Murph, Sly Stallone Paul Walker, Eddie Murphy, Sylvester Stallone, Tim Roth, Julie Dreyfus, Bo Svenson and Enzo Castellari.

source: Tarantino Archives via JoBlo

tarantino1.jpg

“Meh, believe it.”

Let’s go to the tape from Cannes! Shortly after a giggly French interviewer hands him a video camera and requests to “directed,” Quentin Tarantino is asked what his next film will be. Will it be Kill Bill 3? Kill Bill 4 (those silly Frenchies!) No, he says, it will be Inglorious Bastards…coming to Cannes in 2009?!?

Oh, yeah, no. The next movie I’m doing is my WWII movie Inglorious Bastards. I actually just finished the first draft of the script and when I go home I’ll be finishing it up…and if all goes well [pregnant pause] I will be here 2009 at Cannes with my war film INGLORIOUS BASTARDS!!! [applause].”

So, yeah, this is an official announcement of sorts from QT, not a misquote. He’s being translated, but you can hear his words verbatim underneath. Now, is it humanly possible to make an epic WWII movie without an official cast from a script that still needs polishing, and, um, without all that mandatory WWII stuff and deliver it by this time next year? [crickets]

But over on Twitter, the consensus is “asshat.” Peter even calls the man a “compulsive liar.” But, um, dudes and ladies, Quentin Tarantino is writing/directing an R-rated war film that will kick your our asses and it finally sounds like he’s revved up, if obeying an alien calendar. If you’re going to keep him in your mental Gimp box, at least throw some confetti on top. I’m looking forward to it, and by “it” I mean Chinese Democracy.

Discuss: How pumped are you for Inglorious Bastards in 2012?

kb.jpg

It’s a slow Wednesday in 2008, so that must mean it’s time to grind the rumor mill yet again for Quentin Tarantino‘s Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair DVD(s)! Uma Thurman teased MTV with news that Tarantino is currently working on a new anime to be included with the long-planned definitive edition of the director’s legendary magnum opus. Moreover, she says the complimentary anime segment(s) will not focus on her character Beatrix Kiddo aka The Bride, leaving speculation open that the new anime will revolve around Bill.

“Right now he’s putting the two films together with an intermission with an added anime sequence he had already written,” said Thurman. “So additional stories are in there, in animation.” She adds, “his anime stuff is strong.”

Of course, Thurman played it coy and left it at that, but she’s far less prone to spouting coolness to the press for the hell of it, so maybe KB: TWBA is on the way. Personally, I await the day when QT’s Inglorious Bastards, planned for 2010, starts production, but I’m curious to see what type of gluttonous “intermission” he has in store as well. Can you make perfect films more perfect I wonder?

qt2.jpg

Oh yes, my first Quentin Tarantino post here on the great Slash. Warning: I am not going to get to the point. There are some directors I still cannot wait to interview. Not Tarantino. Like Michael Jordan, a living Bobby Fisher, Gregory Isaacs, J.D. Salinger, the Rza, or my favorite ex gal, I’d rather just buy Tarantino an Irish Car Bomb at a dark bar with a good juke box and not say a word except “On me.” Wait, does that come off a little Linda Fiorentino pervy? What I meant was: I think Tarantino operates on a level beyond brain-picking. I motherf***ing owe Tarantino. I don’t deserve the company of his clone, yet.

When you interview someone, you’re always measuring expectations against facial tics, grammar, personality and cell-phone ‘ruptions. It’s like speed dating and sometimes a publicist (who offers and smokes huge joints, hey) helps, but sometimes not. I absolutely hated, despised…studied my arm rest during Death Proof; but I don’t use it against Tarantino. I cannot. Are you kidding? It was like Jordan wearing 45 and fouling a lay-up or getting a shot thrown into the stands. It was an insult, to me. I know this: when QT delivers Inglorious Bastards, whether it’s one, two or four films, I am never going to experience that experience again. Yep.

I don’t think I could ever have a movie-themed wedding. No friggin’ way. But the most perfect, romantic experience of my life happened during Kill Bill Vol. 2. I sat beside this icy, ice-skinned metropolitan gal from a middle-class fam, and we were practically broken up at that point. And, at film’s end, she said, “that was so good,” and these Q*berts behind us said, “Where the fuck was the blood?” We got it. I wanted to wrap her up like a small box of candy. She got it. She kissed me when it was over because that was a real woman on screen. Pai Mei. We were a sort of perfection. I was honored.

We played darts to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs with a Ferrari parked outside, and after that we did some crazy things, but all I remember is basking at her when those credits rolled. That shit makes me cry. Uma writhing on a bathroom floor on a glorious new morning? It was me and her, and the perfection was realized by Tarantino. I would do anything to live that moment over and over. Fucking double-credits. That’s my love. I love QT.

There is a rather informative interview with Tarantino over at Sight&Sound. I have $300 on the game tonight, so here are some excerpts…

Inglorious Bastards.

“I’ve got tons of material and a lot of stuff written but now I’ve figured out what to do, I gotta start from page one, square one. I started just before I came on this trip and brought the stuff with me but I haven’t had a chance to continue yet. But maybe on the flight back home I’ll come back into it. I love writing in other countries. It’s a lot of fun.”

Same stuff we’ve been hearing for quite a while, right?

But, of course, QT is going to drop a new project on the Netz…and he never dOes it on purpose…

“I’d like to make a spy movie. I can’t ever imagine that I’m doing it though because, as much as I’m attracted to it, it ultimately would be just pictures of people talking to each other. One of the books that I’m reading right now is Len Deighton’s Berlin Game, part of the ‘Game, Set and Match’ trilogy. So I’m reading Berlin Game. I actually read it before years ago and I didn’t properly get into Mexico Set, and now I have to read them all over again.”

So, how plausible is a Game, Set, Match trilogy….

” It has a great twist at the end of one that sends the stories into a tailspin. So if I were to do it – which I’m doing as an exercise here – I would see if I could boil it down to the fat of the characters, and ignore all this Maquis double agent stuff. It would be interesting if I could reduce the three novels to an hour each and make a three hour movie that would have a big kind of impact, just by responding to the characters, and the wonderful chance of casting actors in it, and the nice environment of the drawing room and the cottages in this part of East Berlin, with the Wall still there and everything”

And, QT on Digital…

“To me 97 per cent of the use of digital is laziness. They are trying to make it easier on themselves, and it shows. If you don’t care enough about your movie to shoot it yourself, I don’t care enough about it enough to see it. But in those cases where they are creating a whole new cinematic landscape, I can’t be churlish about that. I’ve got to give it up. It adds another possibility in which to tell stories, and create pictures.”

I love Tarantino, and I look forward to his next vision like a message from god or like a phone call at 4 a.m. from a girlfriend telling me to fly down and catch up. There are no mistakes in this career, I feel, just details. I am the dummy.

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