Oh yes, my first Quentin Tarantino post here on the great Slash. Warning: I am not going to get to the point. There are some directors I still cannot wait to interview. Not Tarantino. Like Michael Jordan, a living Bobby Fisher, Gregory Isaacs, J.D. Salinger, the Rza, or my favorite ex gal, I’d rather just buy Tarantino an Irish Car Bomb at a dark bar with a good juke box and not say a word except “On me.” Wait, does that come off a little Linda Fiorentino pervy? What I meant was: I think Tarantino operates on a level beyond brain-picking. I motherf***ing owe Tarantino. I don’t deserve the company of his clone, yet.

When you interview someone, you’re always measuring expectations against facial tics, grammar, personality and cell-phone ‘ruptions. It’s like speed dating and sometimes a publicist (who offers and smokes huge joints, hey) helps, but sometimes not. I absolutely hated, despised…studied my arm rest during Death Proof; but I don’t use it against Tarantino. I cannot. Are you kidding? It was like Jordan wearing 45 and fouling a lay-up or getting a shot thrown into the stands. It was an insult, to me. I know this: when QT delivers Inglorious Bastards, whether it’s one, two or four films, I am never going to experience that experience again. Yep.

I don’t think I could ever have a movie-themed wedding. No friggin’ way. But the most perfect, romantic experience of my life happened during Kill Bill Vol. 2. I sat beside this icy, ice-skinned metropolitan gal from a middle-class fam, and we were practically broken up at that point. And, at film’s end, she said, “that was so good,” and these Q*berts behind us said, “Where the fuck was the blood?” We got it. I wanted to wrap her up like a small box of candy. She got it. She kissed me when it was over because that was a real woman on screen. Pai Mei. We were a sort of perfection. I was honored.

We played darts to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs with a Ferrari parked outside, and after that we did some crazy things, but all I remember is basking at her when those credits rolled. That shit makes me cry. Uma writhing on a bathroom floor on a glorious new morning? It was me and her, and the perfection was realized by Tarantino. I would do anything to live that moment over and over. Fucking double-credits. That’s my love. I love QT.

There is a rather informative interview with Tarantino over at Sight&Sound. I have $300 on the game tonight, so here are some excerpts…

Inglorious Bastards.

“I’ve got tons of material and a lot of stuff written but now I’ve figured out what to do, I gotta start from page one, square one. I started just before I came on this trip and brought the stuff with me but I haven’t had a chance to continue yet. But maybe on the flight back home I’ll come back into it. I love writing in other countries. It’s a lot of fun.”

Same stuff we’ve been hearing for quite a while, right?

But, of course, QT is going to drop a new project on the Netz…and he never dOes it on purpose…

“I’d like to make a spy movie. I can’t ever imagine that I’m doing it though because, as much as I’m attracted to it, it ultimately would be just pictures of people talking to each other. One of the books that I’m reading right now is Len Deighton’s Berlin Game, part of the ‘Game, Set and Match’ trilogy. So I’m reading Berlin Game. I actually read it before years ago and I didn’t properly get into Mexico Set, and now I have to read them all over again.”

So, how plausible is a Game, Set, Match trilogy….

” It has a great twist at the end of one that sends the stories into a tailspin. So if I were to do it – which I’m doing as an exercise here – I would see if I could boil it down to the fat of the characters, and ignore all this Maquis double agent stuff. It would be interesting if I could reduce the three novels to an hour each and make a three hour movie that would have a big kind of impact, just by responding to the characters, and the wonderful chance of casting actors in it, and the nice environment of the drawing room and the cottages in this part of East Berlin, with the Wall still there and everything”

And, QT on Digital…

“To me 97 per cent of the use of digital is laziness. They are trying to make it easier on themselves, and it shows. If you don’t care enough about your movie to shoot it yourself, I don’t care enough about it enough to see it. But in those cases where they are creating a whole new cinematic landscape, I can’t be churlish about that. I’ve got to give it up. It adds another possibility in which to tell stories, and create pictures.”

I love Tarantino, and I look forward to his next vision like a message from god or like a phone call at 4 a.m. from a girlfriend telling me to fly down and catch up. There are no mistakes in this career, I feel, just details. I am the dummy.

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