Movie Review: Don’t Mess with the Zohan

Don't Mess with the Zohan

There are no words. I have tried all day to write up some kind of decent review for this flick and I have nothing. If any one of you knows my style at all, I am very forgiving and can usually find something positive to say about any movie. I’m a movie buff and fan, I just plain love movies, so something has to be particularly special in order for me to use the word “Hate” or “One of the worst of the year”. And my friends as a gauge for you all who haven’t seen this, Little Nicky was Oscar worthy in comparison.

I’ll try to sort it out very quickly for you before I get to my real point. Zohan is a kick ass, hacky sacking, huge cock having, anti terrorist, super strength James Bond-Sexed crazed Austin Powers mix, but Jewish. He wants to give up killing and move to the states to become a hair stylist. With his Borat knowledge of style and music he is as hip as well, Borat, and once he gets to New York, everything is so much of a clusterfuck you can’t even absorb it. The jokes revolve mainly around his huge package and (I’m not kidding) hummus jokes. There are an uncountable amount of hummus jokes and him having sex with a ton of old ladies. After about 20 minutes, I asked my fiancé if she wanted to head out, but I think she liked him brushing his teeth with hummus so much that she wanted to stick it out. They try to touch on Palestinian and Israeli fighting and use a pretty clever banter which involves real life issue jokes that show each countries side of the argument but in a comical way. There are cameos of course, Rob Schneider with his “same accent different skin tone character” and Mariah Carey playing herself just to (again, no joke) plug her new album!

I can’t continue because there is too much of confusingly immature comedy that I can’t remember it all. I can however remember the times I laughed, which is NOT a good sign.

So here is my problem. The decline of humor in Sandler comedies is concerning to me. You have his beginning films of course like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore which are now classics and then the slip into gut wrenchingly stupid comedies. Analyze: Big Daddy- Steve Buscemi steals some scenes but all in all no laugh out loud, side splitting stuff. Water Boy- Sandler in his dumb voice mode being canteen boy from SNL, better then those to come but still…. Little Nicky is so widely panned I don’t know anyone else but me and three other people who saw it in the theater. Mr. Deeds, Anger Management. These movies were pretty damn bad. He set the bar with Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates, and the highly over looked Punch Drunk Love where he finally showed he could act like something else. It just seems to me that Sandler can throw any idea out there in script form, regardless of content, and it will be made. I’m not going to argue that he is still hugely bankable and his movies, sucky or not, still make a killing.

Why? That is the question. Is it his world wide appeal as a funny man still, or his like-ability as a child friendly guy for kids ages 11-14?  This movie was a different kind of fucken horrible. I never say that. I always can find some good in a movie, and last night I could not. It was embarrassing to watch, if this was a movie with anyone besides Adam Sandler leading it would have been straight to DVD. Perhaps it’s time for him to hang it up and start helping produce Rated R flicks like the surprisingly wonderful Grandma’s Boy, featuring every one of his buddies in a stoner, video game comedy.

This is more of a warning then a review, stay away. Stay far away. Debate with your friends which movie you’re going to see first next week, Hulk or The Happening (The Hulk for me). Or even Get Smart or Love Guru which I’m afraid Guru is looking like its a little Zohanish to me. I apologize for the lack of commitment to this film, but I couldn’t invest too much of my soul into this without feeling terrible afterwards.
Did you see Zohan? If so, did you dig it or did you feel it was an abortion of a flick such as myself?

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