Posted on Tuesday, December 20th, 2016 by Angie Han
Collateral Beauty is not a good movie by any stretch of the imagination. Nor is it the kind of bad movie that’s so bonkers, it’s perversely enjoyable. Really, it’s just a dull, maudlin drama with nonsensical plot twists you can see coming from like eight miles away.
But there is one thing about Collateral Beauty that is extremely enjoyable, and that is the reviews it attracts. Some of the most entertaining pieces of film criticism I’ve read this year are takedowns of this terrible, terrible movie, and having seen it myself I can confirm it deserves all the scorn it gets. And apparently, I’m not the only one who thinks so. An (obviously unofficial) new “trailer” rounds up some of the very meanest quotes about the film for your viewing pleasure.
ScreenCrush put together this Collateral Beauty reviews trailer as part of their Critics Are Raving series.
Here’s a list of the featured reviews: Vince Mancini at Uproxx, Matt Prigge at Metro, Moira Macdonald at Seattle Times, Peter Bradshaw at The Guardian, Peter Canavese at Groucho Reviews. I’m linking them here because officially released trailers (for any movie, not just Collateral Beauty) can be notoriously shady when it comes to these gushing quotes. Every TV spot seems to have them, and most of them are exactly what you think they are — excerpts of positive reviews of the film in question. But when there aren’t a lot of good reviews to choose from, some teams will stoop to various tricks to make the film look better. They might pull a quote from certain outlets that are known to be less than trustworthy, or misrepresent lines from not-so-glowing reviews.
In the case of Collateral Beauty, what looks like a rave review might turn out to be nothing more than a single word supposedly uttered by an anonymous audience member at a random screening. As pointed out by our own Ethan Anderton:
High praise from a trusted source: pic.twitter.com/HnJ7Hcz4tP
— Ethan Anderton (@Ethan_Anderton) December 19, 2016
When in fact, real reviews of Collateral Beauty read a lot more like this (extremely spoiler-y) one from the Village Voice’s Alan Scherstul. Or this one, from Vulture’s Emily Yoshida. Or this one, from Vox’s Todd VanDerWerff. Believe me when I say the movie isn’t worth watching, but the reviews are fun to read. All of them are way better crafted and more entertaining than the movie itself, which starts out misguided and only gets worse from there.
But I know there are a few of you for whom all these terrible reviews are just fueling your curiosity. If you’re one of those, Collateral Beauty is in theaters right now. Don’t say you weren’t warned.Cool Posts From Around the Web: