justin-bieber3

This is a great little story for everyone whose head tried to recreate the beginning of Scanners when they saw the headline “Director of An Inconvenient Truth to Make 3D Justin Bieber Biopic.” Only a couple dozen hours after being linked to Justin Bieber‘s very own version of 8 Mile, director Davis Guggenheim has passed on the project. Why did the Oscar winner move on? Why do you think?

If you take the official line, it might be what you expect. Yes, the idea that Bieber is getting his own 3D biopic at the tender age of 16 hit the internet like an irony bomb. The early comparison to 8 Mile stuck, so instead of sounding like an easy cash-in, the film sounds like a wildly pretentious easy cash-in. This probably won’t be A Hard Day’s Night.

But the kid is a ridiculous moneymaker, so I can see how someone might, for at least a few deranged minutes, think “well, I can take the six hundred million I might make off this and use it to make thirty more films like An Inconvenient Truth.” Why make the film in 3D? Because if you’re going to bilk a devoted teen fanbase out of their dollars, you might take as much as possible. But at some point the truth has to hit home.

Deadline says the official reason that Guggenheim is out is that the director decided he’d be too busy promoting his current film Waiting for Superman. He’s just got no time for the Bieber. (EW says he was never even formally attached.) But you have to imagine that if Guggenheim had a dime for every text message he got saying “LOLwhut?” in response to his involvement then he wouldn’t need the Bieber paycheck after all. Some career decisions are just terrible ideas no matter how much you’re going to get paid.

And if you missed the news about Bieber’s picture, the idea is that someone will direct the kid singer in a 3D film about his own life, sprinkled with performances from his current tour. If the film ends with him playing North Korea, I’ll admit brilliance, but I don’t expect I’ll have to.

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