LOL: Princess of Mars Teaser Trailer, From The Asylum

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Usually, low-rent comedy genre house The Asylum (Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus, Transmorphers: Fall of Man) waits until just as a movie is released to unleash their own knock-off / parody of the project. But with Edgar Rice Burroughs and A Princess of Mars, the company gets a two-fer. Their new Princess of Mars is already close to finished, and with it the company can perhaps steal a few Avatar-related dollars while creating a product that will be ready on DVD shelves when Disney eventually begins to promote Andrew Stanton’s John Carter of Mars. See the first teaser for Asylum’s version of the Burroughs novel, after the break.

The rights to the Burroughs novel are in the public domain, so this is one case where The Asylum doesn’t have to do much tweaking with respect to names. And because James Cameron has said that Burroughs was an influence on Avatar, they get to say this inspired the director’s big new picture. But I wonder if Disney locked up film rights to the character name ‘John Carter’, as on the Asylum website photos of the character (as played by Antonio Sabato, Jr.) are labeled only ‘JC’. Meanwhile, the alien princess Deja Thoris has her name intact; she’s played in this version by Traci Lords.

My favorite part about this? On the teaser’s YouTube page, a comment claiming to be from one of the film’s actors praises the production value added by the recent LA fires. “Also, I have to hand it to the Orange Sky we had while filming in Lancaster (due to the LA Fires).” Those blazes had to be good for something!

Here’s the teaser, which looks like something I would have rented in sixth grade, then watched at 1am while devouring a one-pound bag of Skittles and trying not to puke.

  • BobCasper
    To be fair, 2012 : Supernova came out way before 2012 did and was'nt release near the same time as to be a 'mockbuster'
  • haha, not bad!

    I wonder if Andrew Stanton will see this and worry that his film may not be that much better than this.
  • Craigasorusrex
    Honestly while this looks like complete garbage this looks like one of the better Asylum movies (at least the special effects/costumes).

    Which really isn't saying much.
  • I agree. Complete trash, but at least it sparkles.
  • They've actually been stepping up their CG and overall visuals since Transmorphers
  • MonsterKilledThePilot
    The visuals are pretty cool. Totally got me pumped for Andrew Stanton's movie.
  • Roberto De Simone
    Awesome, can't wait to see the full movie.
  • Anyone read "The Other Hollywood" by Legs MacNeil?

    Semi-related to this funny post by Russ, but you should read the stories about Traci Lords nearly destroying the whole porn industry with her underage shenanigans.

    But the funniest part? She's quoted in the book as bragging at one point about how some day she would work at Paramount.

    I'm waiting for the day.
  • Then your wait is surely over. Take a look at her imdb man. She's worked a crap ton in legitimate film and TV. Doesn't mean she's an A list actress or anything but given the volume of her credits, I'm sure she has spent a lot of time at Paramount. Hell, I'VE spent time working at Paramount and I only have 3 credits on imdb.
  • Octoberist
    i liked the awkward scream by Lords.
  • boogoo
    Hate The Asylum's ways, just make b movies, as if that's not horrible enough.
    How can a porn actress like Lords possible star in a film that's going to be in cinema's. What does she have to offer? (at her age, pun intended)
  • Spinderella
    The costume designer did a really great job and I really enjoyed this one!!!! A fun cheesy little Scifi adventure!!
  • Rob Grey
    ...In my opinion Asylum made a big mistake updating the story and they failed to properly develope and portray the characters of John, Deja and Tars.
    ...No film of the John Carter series is going to be meaningful without Frank Frazetta's concept of Burroughs' martian inhabitants, creatures and costume design. Undoubtably the Frazetta cover art is what sold the Burroughs novels for most of us. Disney take note! Spend more if necessary but secure the Frazetta designs or count me out -
  • Octoberist
    I think you're overthinking Asylum's version. If you see their body of work, they tend to make B movie rip offs.
  • Nabi
    Traci Lords actually has the right look. The 'novels' were instant trash (I don't mean that Lords is), designed for skip readers so it's kinda hard to do them injustice. Carter himself was merely an icon popping up inexplicably on window sills etc., overhearing villainous plots--the most two dimensional of icons possible.
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