Today, in the name of summer ‘09, I purchased: ’70s-era paperbacks by late aquathriller master Peter Benchley, a coozie printed with dolphins and castles, and a tube of black Zinka. And while $11.99 is not recession-proof, for that exact price we can now be sunproof while laughing at Will Ferrell’s bare ass all season long!

Yes, the tycoon of comedy has launched a new line of sunscreens. “Woo!” They come in three different flavors of 30 SPF. First is Sun Stroke, billed as the manlier lotion for a nice, dark bake. Sexy Hot Tan is self-explanatory, the perfect gift for grandparents patroning Florida nudist colonies. Last by not least is Forbidden Fruit. It’s being marketed suspiciously: “Honestly, the less we say about this one the better for fear of being cast into a pit of fire.” But it’s probably also suitable for nudist colonists, and for indoor recreation. The proceeds from the sunblockers—on sale here—go to the Cancer for College’s Willpowered Scholarship Fund, and help pay for cancer survivors’ college educations.

Ferrell, a longtime supporter of the charity, explains: “The bottle says it all. I’ve always dreamed of owning a lotion company. And I’ve always hated cancer.” Spark this up to smart business from the man who brought us Ashley Schaeffer’s deep-dick discount.