Before I shower, thought I’d get this item out of the way. Dread Central is reporting that director Brett Ratner—who is reeling from having his lifelong dream of Guitar Hero: The Movie dashed by Activision—is being sought by Nu Image for their Conan reboot. As of now, this is merely a rumor for us to smirk at. Last month we noted that Lionsgate was having the $100 million R-rated tent pole fast tracked, using a script rewrite from Dirk Blackman and Howard McCain (Outlander). One of the producers compared their uncompromising vision to The Dark Knight. Soon thereafter, Slashfilm learned that a giant R was shot into the sky over Hollywood. Luckily, Ratner was passed out on a rug made from a live zebra. Until today?

Listen Brett Ratner, we have no problem with this rumor if it pans out, on one condition. You have to play Conan. You need to grow your hair out and allow yourself to be carried on a throne by minions and chained broads while double-fisting a goblet and a smoking contraption made out of an enemy’s skull. On camera, not just off. We’re sure John Milius would agree. Whaddya say brah?