There are no words. I have tried all day to write up some kind of decent review for this flick and I have nothing. If any one of you knows my style at all, I am very forgiving and can usually find something positive to say about any movie. I’m a movie buff and fan, I just plain love movies, so something has to be particularly special in order for me to use the word “Hate” or “One of the worst of the year”. And my friends as a gauge for you all who haven’t seen this, Little Nicky was Oscar worthy in comparison.
I’ll try to sort it out very quickly for you before I get to my real point. Zohan is a kick ass, hacky sacking, huge cock having, anti terrorist, super strength James Bond-Sexed crazed Austin Powers mix, but Jewish. He wants to give up killing and move to the states to become a hair stylist. With his Borat knowledge of style and music he is as hip as well, Borat, and once he gets to New York, everything is so much of a clusterfuck you can’t even absorb it. The jokes revolve mainly around his huge package and (I’m not kidding) hummus jokes. There are an uncountable amount of hummus jokes and him having sex with a ton of old ladies. After about 20 minutes, I asked my fiancé if she wanted to head out, but I think she liked him brushing his teeth with hummus so much that she wanted to stick it out. They try to touch on Palestinian and Israeli fighting and use a pretty clever banter which involves real life issue jokes that show each countries side of the argument but in a comical way. There are cameos of course, Rob Schneider with his “same accent different skin tone character” and Mariah Carey playing herself just to (again, no joke) plug her new album!
I can’t continue because there is too much of confusingly immature comedy that I can’t remember it all. I can however remember the times I laughed, which is NOT a good sign.
So here is my problem. The decline of humor in Sandler comedies is concerning to me. You have his beginning films of course like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore which are now classics and then the slip into gut wrenchingly stupid comedies. Analyze: Big Daddy- Steve Buscemi steals some scenes but all in all no laugh out loud, side splitting stuff. Water Boy- Sandler in his dumb voice mode being canteen boy from SNL, better then those to come but still…. Little Nicky is so widely panned I don’t know anyone else but me and three other people who saw it in the theater. Mr. Deeds, Anger Management. These movies were pretty damn bad. He set the bar with Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates, and the highly over looked Punch Drunk Love where he finally showed he could act like something else. It just seems to me that Sandler can throw any idea out there in script form, regardless of content, and it will be made. I’m not going to argue that he is still hugely bankable and his movies, sucky or not, still make a killing.
Why? That is the question. Is it his world wide appeal as a funny man still, or his like-ability as a child friendly guy for kids ages 11-14? This movie was a different kind of fucken horrible. I never say that. I always can find some good in a movie, and last night I could not. It was embarrassing to watch, if this was a movie with anyone besides Adam Sandler leading it would have been straight to DVD. Perhaps it’s time for him to hang it up and start helping produce Rated R flicks like the surprisingly wonderful Grandma’s Boy, featuring every one of his buddies in a stoner, video game comedy.
This is more of a warning then a review, stay away. Stay far away. Debate with your friends which movie you’re going to see first next week, Hulk or The Happening (The Hulk for me). Or even Get Smart or Love Guru which I’m afraid Guru is looking like its a little Zohanish to me. I apologize for the lack of commitment to this film, but I couldn’t invest too much of my soul into this without feeling terrible afterwards.
Did you see Zohan? If so, did you dig it or did you feel it was an abortion of a flick such as myself?
June 8th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Atrocious. It was way too long, it relied on the penis (penis jokes, penis names, penis activities) way too much, and I just didn’t laugh very much. I’m especially saddened because Judd Apatow actually helped write this and it was terrible. This was my last time seeing a Sandler movie at the theatre.
June 8th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Thanks for the warning but the trailers were a deterrent enough for me.
June 8th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I actually have to see Hulk first because it starts on Thursday and the Happening starts on Friday.
Coincidence?
But I wasn’t going to watch it anyway, still good to know that I was in the right state of mind when making that decision.
June 8th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
I’m so excited for the Incredible Hulk, that I’d actually sit through Zohan first, if I had to. HULK SMASH ZOHAN!!!
June 8th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
If the movies anywhere near as bad as this review is poorly written… etc.
(With his Borat knowledge of style and music he is as hip as well, Borat, and once he gets to New York, everything is so much of a clusterfuck you can’t even absorb it.)
Maybe the films contagious because this review of yours is a “cluster fuck”.
Zaxh, if your trashing something it helps to at least express your thoughts clearly, if not cleverly. It furthers your point.
June 8th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
If I had to choose between watching Zohan again and watching Gigli 5 times. I would choose Gigli. Within the first 5 mintues, you can tell that it was going to be retarded. Also, the accents made me sick to my stomach. Everybody had one and none of them were good at it. I respect Sandler but c’mon, how could this have sounded remotely humorous. The only good/funny part involved Dave Matthews. He played a hilarious southern racist.
If your friends try to drag you to this movie, break their knees and steal their girlfriend. That would actually be funny, unlike You Don’t Mess With The Zohan.
June 8th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Dude…better font next time.
June 8th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
JFK is clearly a Sandler mark.
June 8th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
“Within the first 5 mintues, you can tell that it was going to be retarded.”
What gave that away?
Was it when he back-flipped and dodged the bazooke shot in the trailer? or when he kicked the guy with his feet while standing up straight?
June 8th, 2008 at 4:34 pm
“JFK Says:
June 8th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
If the movies anywhere near as bad as this review is poorly written… etc.
(With his Borat knowledge of style and music he is as hip as well, Borat, and once he gets to New York, everything is so much of a clusterfuck you can’t even absorb it.)
Maybe the films contagious because this review of yours is a “cluster fuckâ€.
Zaxh, if your trashing something it helps to at least express your thoughts clearly, if not cleverly. It furthers your point.”
honestly jfk, this just doesn’t do it for me. between the numerous grammatical errors and problems with sentence structure, i really have to ask what you hoped to accomplish. of course, i understood your point and what you were trying to get at, but can you really expect audiences at home to understand what’s going on? it’s almost as if you fell on your keyboard while you were typing this clusterfuck of a review. and that last sentence - don’t even get me started!
it’s really a big let down for me, i really have to say. i mean, i love your work, i really do. but if you’re going to try the whole, ‘biting, sarcastic reviewer’ thing, you’re really going to have to try harder next time.
1.5 out of 5.
June 8th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
come on zohan was not that bad. its just like every other adam sandler movie out there. how dare you compare it to little nicky, which was the worst ever.
June 8th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
I’m sorry gents, for my grammar being sub par, but in my defense, and Pete knows this to be true, I have been extremely ill and my medication causes run on sentences. Seriously, with my head in a daze, I lost track of my keen edge towards the end. I will repent in church this week.. It was just so terrible to me, I was really reaching for content towards the end. No excuses though, it will be better next time.
June 8th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
I usually like Adam Sandler films, but this one was atrocious. Didn’t see Little Nicky, but I find it hard to believe Sandler could make a movie worse than this one. Just not funny at all.
June 8th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Its a shame when a movie comes out and makes Little Nicky look oscar worthy in comparison.
June 8th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
Maybe it’s because I’m Jewish, but I liked it. It was comedy about things that don’t get mainstream play- hummous, Israeli accents, Israel-Palestine, etc. I liked the part where he made rock figures out of the the rocks Palestinian kids were throwing at him.
Note- I eat hummous about as much as I eat Indian food- almost never. I’m Jewish by blood, but I don’t quite know all the holidays- point being I’m pretty darn mainstream.
Thought it was good. Sorry everyone didn’t like it. I’ll keep seeing Adam Sandler flicks. He loves NYC and so do I!
June 8th, 2008 at 9:34 pm
zach, it was for jfk, not you. i think you’re a doll.
June 8th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Zohan made Little Nicky look like Citizen Kane.
June 8th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Yeah, not funny…at all. I hated that Mariah was just there to plug her new CD. I like Dave Matthews and what’s her name from Facts of Life. But really the dialog was just stupid.
June 9th, 2008 at 2:15 am
Did you know Judd Apatow co-wrote this?
What is the world coming to?
June 9th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
The happening is about the plants killing people. There i saced you 7 bucks
June 13th, 2008 at 9:00 am
You’re an idiot. Your book is good. Your reviews stink. Stick to writing books not reviewing movies. 10,000 BC was awesome Zohan was awesome. You are lame.
June 14th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
GET SOME SENSE OF HUMOR MORONS!
http://www.holysequels.com
June 17th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
I’m usually very open to things that end up giving a movie a PG-13 rating. I know if my 13 year old sees such a movie that there will be cursing, some violence and some crude humor–so I get it. However, there is nothing that could have prepared me for Adam Sandler’s ZOHAN. It was the most disguisting piece of garbage I have ever seen. Everything from the Doggie Style scene with the Mom to the WAY OVERDONE scenes in the hair salon with him grinding himself against old ladies’ heads and shoulders caused me to leave 30 minutes into the movie. I’m a liberal democrat and I usually support the Motion Picture Association’s policies, but I can’t this time. This movie is over the edge bad that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should be seen by anyone ages 13-15. Adam Sandler is finished. His last films have stunk up the world and this one may be the end of his career.
June 19th, 2008 at 11:41 am
J Ma that was so uncalled for. You may not have enjoyed the movie but other people may still want to see it - even after you warn them. Sometimes people think for themselves, and doing a spoiler for a new movie just to show how cool you are (”See how much I hated this bad movie? I’ll save the world from it”) is really not a nice thing to do.
Sorry that this wasn’t about the Zohan - which, sorry… I laughed at, while acknowleging every single thing that Zach says is wrong about it. Maybe I was just in an easy mood that night and was ready to be amused. Yes, it was dumb, but I knew that going in from the trailers. I wasn’t expecting an Oscar nominee, just some easy laughs at some pretty low jokes, and that’s exactly what I got.
If you want a good movie, don’t go. If you go, expect what you are getting, and you might get amused. But don’t go and then be mad at the movie for being what it is.
June 19th, 2008 at 11:32 pm
Notice how this writer didnt mention “click” which i whought was a wonderful movie that was funny and also was a reminder how important family is. i just saw the zohan movie tonight and i laughed my ass off. ok the humus jokes were a little much, and i didnt even think of borat once the whole time, most of the lanuage in the movie was real which gave it more authenticity borat was funyn too but i get a different feel from that movie. Overall i say go check out the zohan movie and let yourself laugh. thanks
A.j.
June 21st, 2008 at 7:03 am
AJ-
I don’t usually shoot out comments individually to discuss a point, but you are right about Click. However I have my own thought on it. Why I didn’t mention it was that I consider that movie, and stay with me here, nearly a drama. It was cute and fun in the beginning, but as it progressed I found myself getting stressed and depressed. I can’t watch the second half without crying. Crying! Seriously! When his father visits him and he ignores him and then he dies…The part where he keeps rewinding to see him for the last time… Now I know all it was was a sort of revamped “It’s a Wonderful Life” but Christopher Walken was the Angel of Death! I found myself getting sad every time he saw his wife after she left him… See look at the tear I have just gone on! Click- While being a decent and appealing movie which was a high earner was, to me, heart wrenching and gut knotting.
Does that answer why I didn’t use it as a comedic comparison?
LOL, thanks for reading.
Zach L
June 27th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
it’s an ignorance, cliche damn movie.
1. Israeli’s have a small penis.
2. hummus??? really?????
3. what with the accent?????
4. “yahhh, lets forget about the war and love each-other, cus this is what we israelis and arabs do!!!” REALLY?????
5. judd patlow, why would u put u’r name on a movie like that???
6. i remember when i came to america and the first question i have been asked if we still ride camels there…. that is how ignorance this movie was.
yes, i HATED IT!!!!
July 30th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
is this all we’re gonna get from adam sandler?!
August 7th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
I watched this movie last night and I had to stop in the middle of the movie. It is one of the most perverted movie I have watched. I used to like Adam Sandler but his movies has deteriorated in content and in humor. I could not even make myself go listen long enough to all his penis comments. Is that how middle easterns are like? It gives a bad impression… Given that it is a comedy, it still leaves a bad taste in the mouth.
August 25th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Not the absolute worst movie I’ve ever seen. Sure, it’s a mess but I did laugh. And I loved John Turturro here. My main problem: his love interest was OBVIOUSLY Hispanic and not Middle Eastern.