This past weekend we asked /Film readers to tell us what they thought of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. We got over 2025 votes on our poll and 266 comments. While the majority of readers who voted in the poll Loved the film (41%, while 18% voted “It Sucked”), the comments on the post were largely negative. I decided since you guys put the work in, I’d dig through the comments and bring you a best of - a compilation of the funniest or most interesting comments left about Indy 4. Enjoy!
Josh: “I totally cracked my friend up at the end of the movie when I turned to him and said “I know I’m Jewish and all, and I can’t believe I’m going to say this… but I miss the Nazis.”"
jonny: “Fake us all out with a big trailer that makes you think this film is huge and will fucking suck. But instead the film is only 15 minutes long and ends with him dying in a nuclear explosion… Thank you for treating me with respect!”
Greg: “How many people loved Transformers last year? I did. But, the story… aliens come down from another planet and turn themselves into cars. How is that different (or more importantly, more believable) than the central theme in Crystal Skull?”
Rob: “The top 5 things I hate about this movie (in no particular order). WARNING - SPOILER ALERT! 1. INDY SURVIVES A NUCLEAR BLAST - WTF? 2. Shia swings from vines in the jungle with a family of monkeys - I shit you not. 3. They drive a jeep over three 100 foot waterfalls and survive without a scratch. 4. Space aliens and a UFO does not belong in an Indiana Jones film! 5. Kate Blanchet’s character is destroyed by knowlege; really? If I see George Lucas out in public I’m gonna punch him in his turkey neck.”
Seth Rogen: “Hey you! Yeah, I’m talkin’ to you. If you’re an adult and you hated this Indiana Jones film, that’s because you went to a kids flick. Kids movies are ridiculous because kids are insane by nature. If you want to see an action movie for grownups go see Pineapple Express out August 8th. Word”
Cogezek: “It kind of felt like they rewrote the script dozens of times over 19-20 years.”
marcomc2: “I just got back from a midnight soul raping thunder slaughter of shit.”
Justin: “I like that aliens are too hard for people to believe but mystically powerful Jewish zombie wine cups are okay.”
Thumb: “So I’d say that George Lucas didn’t rape the corpse of my childhood, but he gave it a good, rough tongue-kissing. … There will be no aliens in X-Files, but there ARE aliens in Indiana Jones? Am I on earth 2?”
Simon: “Harrsison and Shia made a sterling effort to try and turn a big steaming pile of dog turd into something watchable. … I’m going to take a deep breathe and count backwards from ten, and forget this film ever happened.”
Tom: “Awful. I knew it was going to be bad as soon as it was revealed that evil Commie Cate Blanchette revealed she was psychic.”
Simon: “If you’re an Indy fan then prepare yourself for two hours of cinematic soddemy.”
Allynd Dudnikov: “This was the best Allan Quartermain movie yet! …oh wait.”
Captain Awesome: “Indiana Jones: National Treasure 3″ … “The cock-slapping plants were hilarious.”
790: “Maybe for the disinfranchised fans we can have Indy digging up dinosaur bones in the next film, while Mutt goes back to high school and trys to cope with the divorse?? Meanwhile Marion can sue for Indys college retirement pension and setup a restraining order? Would that ground the film in reality for ya?????”
May 27th, 2008 at 2:41 am
:)
May 27th, 2008 at 3:45 am
Also, I seemed to have missed this when I watched it. But my friend commented that he saw one of the monkeys with a “greaser hairdo”. I thought he was fucking with me.
But a few other friends said they noticed it too (wtf?) Can anyone else confirm seeing it?
May 27th, 2008 at 3:52 am
I liked the monkeys you bastards!
May 27th, 2008 at 3:56 am
@ Captain Awesome -
I too saw the monkey with a greaser hairdo, a couple of seconds before Mutt went Tarzan.
One of many ridiculous moments that made this movie a fiasco.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:23 am
I saw the rockabilly monkey, too!
They should have taken it one step further with one lonely tear drop falling out of its eye.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:25 am
Why is ther a comment by Seth Rogen? What a joke he is.
Anyway– here;s my review.
8.1/10: Ford has his moments. Could use an additional villain. Better than nothing! Army Ants rule. Great ending as w eavoud Shia L. taking over, christ, that would suck like Rogen!
May 27th, 2008 at 6:26 am
Spielberg impressed me. I must say.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:27 am
The best thing about this movie is the hilarious reviews and comments that came out in its wake.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:34 am
For all we know that could actually be Seth Rogen e-promoting his new movie.
I dug justin and rob’s comments.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:44 am
Dude, why can’t ppl take this as a decent little cute movie made for kids. I went in it expecting shit but came out satisfied. It certainly wasn’t the best of the series but I liked it. And why is everyone just blaming George Lucas for the movie. Yeah, I’m sure he put his insight in the movie but the film was mainly directed my Spielberg. It’s like ever since he ass-raped you OTHER childhood memory (which is hard for me to admit because I am a effing huge Star Wars fan) You can’t give the dude a break. Can we all at least come to an agreement that Indy 4 was better than the SW prequels? Honestly, the movie was not supposed to be the next great adventure, it was just one last tale for the Indy saga.
P.s. At least the aliens weren’t Duros and the UFO wasn’t a modified
YT-1300 Corellian Freighter. Now THAT would have made me hate this movie. :)
May 27th, 2008 at 7:07 am
I’m just upset that of all the plots the movie could have had, the best one they thought of was aliens. Seriously. This is Indiana Jones. Aliens don’t belong in Indiana Jones.
Last Crusade
Ark of the Covenant
Crystal Skull
Temple of Doom
I really can’t stand ToD.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:10 am
The thing that kills me is that they thought the best idea for this film was aliens. Aliens do not belong in an Indiana Jones movie. I don’t mind the Russians, it makes sense, timewise, but not aliens. There are so many other, better things, they could have focused on. I’m sure there were ton’s of secret or mystical things the Russians were chasing back then.. even if it was aliens, make it in Russia.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:42 am
Funny how, more often than not, people on film sites don’t like films.
The Indy movies are about more than today’s trends in action films. They are a love letter to film history and filmmaking.
May 27th, 2008 at 8:36 am
I’m not sure why everyone is having such a hissy fit over the aliens in the movie. Every bit of what they do with the aliens ties in to ancient history and archeology. There are many people out there that believe there was some form of intervention by an advanced race of beings that brought technology to ancient civilizations. Many ancient civilizations did things that we cannot reproduce and left signs of knowledge of technology that we’ve just recently discovered. This is just one of many explanations of that occurrence. If that was found to be true, don’t you think it would be an archaeologist that would find and prove it? Bah…naysayers be damned…I loved the movie and had a great time watching it!!
May 27th, 2008 at 9:17 am
/\ His name’s Vlad. Sounds like a soviet to me.
But seriously, Indy discussing an “advanced race of beings” or an ancient civilization as the foundation of humanity would be FINE and even good. Yes, there are plenty of examples of natives throughout the world looking to the skies for an explanation of our origins.
But actually seeing an alien on screen is what ruined it. All subtlety was thrown out the window. If the idea is over the top, the cinematics must be grounded in reality. Have both the story and the visuals over the top just makes in unpalatable as an Indy flick.
The script just wasn’t great either. If the skulls provided endless energy, or the answer on how to make a nuclear bomb, then it would have made sense as to why the Soviets wanted it (and why it was important for Indy to recover it first).
But no. Just an odd run through the jungle was all we got.
May 27th, 2008 at 9:28 am
Where do I start?
The movie sucked: The acting sucked, the sets were obvious, the Alien thing was messed up and the atomic bomb testing thing was just too damn real! What have they done? Spielberg and Lucas should be shot.
I cannot believe that ANYONE can believe on ANY LEVEL that Extraterrestials had anything to do with Ancient civilizations! Give the human race some credit! Anyone who believes in that ET crap is obviously not a student of Archaeology and has a completely ethnocentric view of history and intelligence! Go back to Transylvania Vlad!
May 27th, 2008 at 9:36 am
can anyone explain to me how the holy grail and alien life can co-exist in the same universe, let alone the same planet?? existence of the holy grail sure lends quite a bit of credibility towards the story of genesis.
May 27th, 2008 at 9:39 am
oh, and don’t forget the Ark either.
May 27th, 2008 at 9:53 am
@ CC: Dude Transylvania is fucking awesome. You obviously havent been.
Does Seth Rogen really read this site? Nice.
IJ4 sucked because we all wanted to be blown away. With enough hype, no movie can do that. And this film has sat in the back of our minds for 19 years, just waiting to break out onto the big screen. Lucas even said that he didnt think audiences would like the film, nor that he would care. And we’re bitching about it now, but we should have listened then.
Lucas is a bad storyteller, and Spielberg has trouble hitting his marks.
Gotta say, when Indy gets out of the fridge (yeah I know he just survived the nuclear blast, christ), and he’s looking up at the mushroom cloud…wow. Fucking amazing visual. All the other cgi sucked though (and there was a boatload of it).
May 27th, 2008 at 10:08 am
Where are the noteworthy positive comments? I see nothing but an intentionally negative Wah-fest in this “best of”.
There were loads of insightful and carefully thought out replies as to why the movie was good. Just because they don’t resort to violence against the film makers or colorful non-babble dealing with “turkey necks” or “cock slapping plants” doesn’t mean that they are not as (if not more) viable and worthy of reiterating.
Just a thought.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:21 am
…and yes the monkey’s were cool
“Bad dates.”
May 27th, 2008 at 11:27 am
QUOTE: skaught Says:
May 27th, 2008 at 9:36 am
can anyone explain to me how the holy grail and alien life can co-exist in the same universe, let alone the same planet?? existence of the holy grail sure lends quite a bit of credibility towards the story of genesis.
* * *
Holy Grail = New Testament
Genesis = Old Testament
Russian-beatdown monkeys = priceless
May 27th, 2008 at 11:33 am
To all of you confused as to how a Holy Grail and aliens can co-exist, you must understand that:
JESUS is of alien ancestry. Ya know the immaculate conception…think about it and its far more plausible that Mary was impregnated by an alien (think also about the star shining in the night sky) then by a magic arrow from god. The son of god … well god is also an alien and the heavens is “its” domain. Aliens can do crazy things like walk on water and all that fancy space stuff…which brings reason to some of those strange tales in that book that everyone knows and loves.
And so are we for that matter. Aliens mixed with monkeys back in the days of yor and boosted our evolutionary process. Its all pretty damn clear, people. I mean real hieroglyphics point to a “sun god” that is often drawn as a disc.
I’d say an alien ship under an ancient mayan pyramid is a hell of a lot more reasonable then some magic cup that grants whomever sips from it eternal life.
LoLz…really tho…think for one second about the possibility.
May 27th, 2008 at 11:51 am
I thought something was seriously amiss when the first gopher reared its dramatic head.
May 27th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
HAHA Those ARE the best comments I’ve heard about Indiana Jones. And I still think the aliens and monkeys could have worked better if the CGI that went with them wasn’t so God awful hideous.
May 27th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
It’s all about who you know in this business, not what you know. Look at me! A no talent, unfunny, ugly slob with a 7th grade sense of humor! go pineapples!
May 27th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
The second comment from jonny was HILARIOUS.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I can’t wait to see it BECAUSE there are aliens. WHAT??? You are all too closed minded or ignorant of Cosmology to beleive that intelligent life exists elsewhere??????
May 27th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
This movie is absolutelly great. It honors the series. The alien theme is the best thing they could bring to the franshise. It´s so Spielberg, so much to do with his cinema. And I can´t believe people are ok with shits like holy grail ou lost ark and have concerns about the crystal skull. You have to take the spirit of the film. It´s just an adventure movie like that one made in the 50´s.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
@ Michael D
my comment was in no way an attempt to undercut the potential (obviously probable) life in outerspace.
May 27th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
I could live with the aliens concept (barely) and even Indy surviving the nuclear blast thanks to an appliance, but having Shia turn into Tarzan partway through the film really ruined it for me. Talk about breaking our efforts to suspend disbelief and get into the whole thing!
I think this would have been a much better film had Lucas just stayed away from it though. I gather that the Crystal Skull/aliens angle was his baby and it shows (even though it was watered down somewhat by Speilberg/Ford). Still it could have been worse - Jar Jar, anyone?
Oh and wasn’t Indy meant to be immortal after the last outing? Or are we meant to forget about that film?
May 27th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
What is obvious in the case of Indy 4, is that sadly, people still believe in the quasi-magic of religious texts authored over 5,000 years ago, rather than the scientific likelihood that there is life on other planets. Seriously. There are people out there that discredit evolution. The alien aspect to the movie completely fits. Did they write a smart script to handle it? No.
It was a fun, but seriously flawed movie. People seemed to forget that Doom and Crusade are pretty friggin’ ridiculous, but are still lots of fun. That’s all the Indy movies were ever about. Fun, not logic. They were inspired by the wacky serials of Lucas’ and Spielberg’s childhood.
As for the CGI — shut up already. It wasn’t perfect. But guess what? Melting friggin’ heads in stop-motion don’t look so real either, now, do they? Mine shaft chases where you can SEE they are little dolls don’t look real either.
Don’t get me wrong. I have tons of nitpicks with the movie. But, I still loved it. In a little over a year, I will be 40 years old. And you know what? It was a lot of f-ing fun heading out to a matinee on Friday, by myself with a tub of popcorn, just to see old Dr. Jones go at it one more time.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
“the scientific likelihood that there is life on other planets.”
You mean crystal skulls dropped off by ET and pyramid space ships were scientitfic?
O_o
May 27th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
The reason the religion-based artifacts worked so much better than the aliens is because in the first 3 movies the misunderstood powers of the weapons weren’t physically present and staring at you with their retarded green eyes (which by the way, literally had me on the verge of tears) they still retained a sense about them, that they came from a higher power that could never truly be contained. Nope, we got aliens. The ship coming out of the ground was atrocious and i refuse to acknowledge its involvement in an Indiana Jones film. This isn’t Charlie Sheen’s “The Arrival.”
Also, I saw someone say “oh you can believe he fell out of a plane on a raft and survived but cant believe he’d survive an A-bomb blast.” Right on. Think about surviving gravity vs. surviving a nuclear fallout after being thrown thousands of feet in a refrigerator. You probabaly have a 1 in a billion chance of surviving the raft fall, but a nuclear bomb not to mention the ensuing radiation? Give me a break
I refuse to believe Kaminski studied Slocombe’s style that thoroughly or that Steven really tried to maintain the feel of the other films because this was shot atrociously. It looked like they were at a photo shoot for half the movie. WHERE ARE ALL THE FRIGGIN SHADOWS?? WHAT HAPPENED TO SHOOTING ON LOCATION?? For god’s sake if you’re going to shoot on a set at least make it look real. The jungle scene was fantastic until the unnecessary Lucas-patented critters, ants and monkeys THAT ridiculous don’t belong…they just DO NOT.
Speaking of which, they guy who was eaten by the ants, he was supposed to be the second-tier baddie much like the face-melted hand-burnt guy in the Raiders and the Nazi going off the cliff in the tank in Last Crusade. The only problem was he wasn’t worth such a ridiculous kill. He hardly had any lines and he was just annoyingly impervious to Indy’s skills.
And the waterfall….why when they get to the bottom of the THIRD waterfall do they climb back into it and END UP IN A FRIGGIN FIELD?!?!?!? What’s the point of all the falling if you can just i dunno…..find the GIANT VALLEY THAT THE TEMPLE IS IN? I’m squabbling over details….but c’mon!
I really thought Shia did an OK job. I wasn’t bothered by him at all and he was the only one who actually worked with Indy with a certain level of companionship. Was I supposed to feel something when Mac bit the bullet by winking at Indy and letting go of his whip? Was John Hurt’s character supposed to get me emotionally involved with whether or not he will regain control over his mind?
The marriage really doesn’t bother me nor did the hat gag at the end, but once again, the SET!! argh it looked so fake. I think my favorite scene that reminded me the most of the old films was set in the college town from when they were in the diner to escaping through the library and the student gag at the end. Also, although it drug on for a bit, the part in the tomb where the mummies deteriorated in an instant. Thought what was with that SINGLE CRAZY GUY…why was he there? Were they salivating that much for an action beat?
In the end, I can honestly say that no matter what script they decided on, better execution would have made this another Indy classic. Spielberg is not exempt because as the director he has final say, and he let this happen (and he lit half of it like AI). From day one, I was confident this would be good because it was a Spielberg-directed film in his signature series and he wouldn’t let Lucas or anyone else ruin it for him….maybe he did concentrated on that so much that he forgot to take the time to direct
May 27th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
o i forgot, two more things.
Indy isn’t immortal, Elsa brought the cup past the great seal and Indy had to get the hell out of there thus his powers of immortality were lost.
Also, what do /film readers think would hurt more? A few thwacks from some plants to the groin or a singular thud from a stone bust of Marcus Brody? I’m putting my money on the guy who got lost in his own museum. (Really, Lucas? MULTIPLE GROIN INJURY GAGS?? jesus christ…)
May 27th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Did Indy even use a gun in the new film?
May 27th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
when it comes to Crystal Skull, reading comments on the comments even frustrates me.
May 27th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
W00t! I’m a famous anus! Thanks Peter!
May 27th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Im waiting for the best of: comments about the comments
May 28th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Speilburg ripped me off.
This movie was shockingly bad.
I feel like Ive been mugged.
My kids thought it was from hell too. We stayed because we assumed that it SURELY has to get better.
It never did.
May 29th, 2008 at 9:05 am
WOW! I agree with the guy who wants to punch Lucas in the face!
First he gives Hayden whats his face as Anakin/Darth Vader. Now we get Shitty Lebouf as Indy’s son?? And Aliens!?!
It seemed to me that Lucas/Spielberg handed the film over to Uwe Boll.
May 29th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
So, George Lucas peed in your Wheaties with this latest Indy movie? Last time I checked, he and Paramount own “Indiana Jones,” which pretty much means he can do with it what he wants.
Don’t like it, then stop complaining and come up with something better. Might take some work and ingenuity, but why not?
May 30th, 2008 at 5:30 am
it was an homage to movies like ‘the blob’ ad ‘it came from outer space’. lucas said that’s what it was going to be like. everything lse was classic indy and i personally enjoyed it more than temple of doom…
1. Raiders
2. Last Crusade
3. Crystal Skull
4. Temple of Doom
July 23rd, 2008 at 10:39 am
dear playmount,
i hereby rename you pythonmonty for having random ufo in
a movie about a historical actionhero…
:)