People are amazing. Why even go if you know you’re going to hate it? As someone posted, “soul raping thunder slaughter of shit” …are you kidding me? Really. Are you kidding? Way to miss the point entirely. Really. Way to miss the point. Wow. Sad. Crystal Skull is the most fun I’ve had at the movies in years. Bravo, Spielberg, Lucas and Ford (and Allen). Bravo. Saw it twice in 48 hours.

To Steven Spielberg: have you seen any of the BOURNE movies? You seem very out of touch with the today audience. You might want to consider stopping your CASH IN method on your 30 years old previous accomplishments.

1. Eliminate the explosion at Area 51. After the rocket launch, have Indy get caught by the U.S. military, and then let the grilling begin. And get rid of the janitor from Scrubs (he was one of the agents). It was odd as hell seeing Indiana Jones running around in a pastel-painted neighborhood. Just uncomfortable and unnecessary.

2. Get rid of Marion and the whole Indy, Jr. element. Just make Mutt like Short Round: a youthful addition to the storyline. (I must admit, LeBoeuf was the only decent actor in this whole movie, surprisingly…and sadly). Too many characters means less character development.

3. Strengthen Indy. Yeah he’s old, but Jesus… he looked decrepit and needy the whole time. He’s not in a wheelchair yet. He’s the LEAD character! It should have been Mutt who was sinking in the sand, and Indy should have saved him (by perhaps having to throw a snake at him). THAT would have been fun to watch as Indy debated saving a kid and touching a snake. Instead, Indy is saved by two weak characters and he ended up looking like a little girl. And he was way too woozy after the rocket launch, way too geriatric while tied up to the mind-reading device, way too clumsy when seeing Marion for the first time, etc., etc. Where was the “bite the bullet and sneer” Indy grimace we’ve grown to love?

4. Make Indy the main focus. He seemed WAY too much like a supporting cast member. He would come more into focus by eliminating the “Return of Marion” element as mentioned above. Too many characters makes this like a group adventure. INDY should be driving the jeeps. INDY should be leading the pack. Otherwise, remove his name from the title.

5. Toughen up the bad guys. We need a little blood and less goofy cartoon-like acting out of the bad guys. Couldn’t Irena Spalko have seriously stuck a sword through a few people?

6. Lessen the alien stuff. Hell, get rid of some of the Aztec/Mayan stuff too. If this were “INDIANA JONES and the SEARCH FOR ATLANTIS” then I think it would have been better and more palatable. Less alien skulls, less focus on aliens, but still a sense of “was there another race of beings here first?”. It doesn’t have to be more “believable” but rather, more “Indiana Jones-like.” And actually seeing an alien on screen just blew it. If we have to see an alien, it should be subtle, smoky, almost apparition-like so as to leave the audience thinking, “Did I just see something?” Should have been subtle like the spirits in Raiders. Instead, it was shoved in our face. DID FORD EVEN HAVE AS GOOD A FULL-FRAME SHOT AS THE ALIEN? See point 4 above.

7. MAKE JOHN WILLIAMS WORK FOR HIS MONEY! Yes, the subtle refrain from Raiders was appropriate when we entered the Ark’s hanger, and yes the “love” refrain was appropriate when Indy and Marion are flirting. BUT Williams re-used nearly identical music from the Last Crusade’s Coronado boat sinking scene at parts. He also re-used some of Temple of Doom’s mine cart chase scene music. Meanwhile, the “theme” for the Crystal Skull was underdeveloped and unmemorable. AND, I remember during the making of the Last Crusade, Spielberg specifically wanted LESS of the official Indy music (i.e. Da, da, da DAH!) because he knew he didn’t have to sell Indy like he had to when the character was first being introduced. Here, it felt like they used the Raider’s March theme way too much, almost like it was forced with the hope that we would remember it was an Indiana Jones film we were watching (which was easy to forget). I can still remember the music from Raiders’ ball rolling scene, from the map room scene, etc. I can remember the music from Temple of Doom’s main “Short Round / Willie” theme, and of course the mine cart theme. And we can remember the Cross of Coronado theme, the Nazi them, and grail them from Crusade. BUT NOTHING AT ALL theme-wise existed in this movie. SO SAD and inexcusable. YEAH, John Williams is lazy, lazy, lazy. Or maybe Lucas got the film to him a week before the release date and said, “Okay, we need a score before Friday.”

8. URGENCY. Yes, it was fun. Yes, there was action. But there really wasn’t any urgency. Remember in the Last Crusade, at the end? He wasn’t just trying to find the grail, he was trying to save his dad’s life. And Sallah said it best: “You must hurry, Indy!” That’s what this movie was missing. But the motorcycle scene at the beginning had it and that’s why it’s the only memorable scene, in my opinion.

9. Film on location somewhere just as in the first films. This felt like it took place nowhere. It’s cool to be able to visit the Natural Arches in Utah to see where the opening in Last Crusade was filmed. Hell, you can visit Italy if you’ve got the funds. Location shooting just helps to make the film feel grounded.

10. Incorporate some fans into the writing process. This should have been done for the Star Wars prequels as well. The super-secrecy is resulting in out-of-touch films.

CONCLUSION: Turn the Indiana Jones series into a James Bond-style series. That’s our only hope. Remember, people were mad when Connery was replaced, and they even brought him back for one movie (although it sucked). But now, the Bond films are doing well. Basically, they can only make up for this nonsense by making a dozen more 1930-40s-era films with new, 30-something actors. That way we will be able to see a series of films, some bad, some good, instead of four films, where a quarter of them (1 of 4) are just weird. This film could be “last” chronologically, so that Ford is the one who will always “finish” the series. And a marriage is just fine in that sense.

answer: They lost the script in the spaces between spaces.

I didn’t mind the fridge, if Indy was crammed in there he could have easily survived being hurled hundreds of feet, and it was lead so that protected him from the blast, isn’t that obvious.

It was a fun time, now looking back, but I was seriously angry when I first left the theater, and I didn’t want to be. I’m not hard to please either.

you should just watch the new one like you watched the old ones when you were a kid.

Are you by any chance related to “Leave Brittney Alone” guy b/c I’d really like to see your take of this on YouTube…

FEAR THE POWER OF THE WHIP!

would hire the writer of “RUSH HOUR 3″

to pen the most anticipated sequel of 2008.

There’s gonna be a sequel….
Fear it….Fear Indiana Jones!
Hahahaaa