“Must escape.”
Last month, we posted about an alleged, albeit totes sketchy, early first review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull which called it “the best of the Indy sequels.” Well, the film recently screened and reviews are beginning to trickle in. Umm, they are not positive at all. Update: a new one is positive, summarized here at the end. AICN received three today, one heavy on the “it sucks” and spoilers, the other basically saying, “Yeah, that first guy who said the movie sucks? I see where he’s coming from.” The latest says it’s a worthy addition and brings a smile. Here are some lowlights from the second review…
- it doesn’t totally suck, the sequel is just “unnecessary”
- everything about the film is “bloated” and Spielberg/Lucas try way too hard.
- it doesn’t feel like Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford may as well be Harvey Keitel or Booger
- too much unnecessary, analytical dialogue a la the prequels
- Cate Blanchett’s is the “least interesting” of the franchise’s villains
- it’s a weak retread, but the reviewer didn’t “hate it”
But the first review out and out rips it…here’s a spoiler-free recap, spoilers after the jump
- “this is the Indiana Movie that you were dreading”
- compares it to…Allen Quatermain…, the Indy knockoff, ouch
- perilous moments lack tension (this is a recurring criticism thus far)
- sets switch jarringly from outdoors to indoors. “jungle looks like plastic.”
- LaBeouf is “horrible,” a crybaby, and receives too much sappy “adulation” from Indy
- Ford has “a few lines that work and a million that don’t” and never seems in danger, duress
- end point: fanboys’ charges of “child hood memory molestation” against Lucas will explode once again
UPDATE: Now a third review has popped up. Surprise, it’s positive…
- Crystal Skull is the 3rd best in the franchise, can’t top Raiders (duh)
- best chase scene of all the movies
- Shia was “just fine,” acting is “good across the board”
- snake scene is way too slapstick (recurring criticism)
- ending leaves something to be desired, but PLEASE not a fifth film
- Ranks it third after Raiders and Temple of Doom, and before Last Crusade (Peter says WTF, but that’s my original trilogy order as well :P).
- “Spielberg magic” is present
- “people will be mixed.”
- “Pretty. Damn. Good.”
Peter and I are in a disagreement as far as expectations go. While I don’t expect Crystal Skull to be as perfect as Raiders, if the film is tonally and structurally off as to be the Rocky V of the series, I will be pissed. If I glance at the four Indy movies in a DVD box-set later on and want to habitually shed it down to three, I will be pissed. Peter says he expects the film to be the Live Free or Die Hard of the franchise, but to me, that would be a travesty (proportionally speaking, of course).
After all of the time spent working to perfect the film’s script (after Darabont was left in the cold), the years of early hype, and the fact that Spielberg/Lucas are tinkering with one of the great franchises of all time, why set your standards low? I’m not sure what has happened on the Internet as of late as far as geek movie culture, but the “well it was pretty good and that’s fine” reigns supreme. I’d like to be able to think of one American popcorn franchise that consistently got it right and ended on a high note (not a “good if you’re an ’80s baby” way), and more and more, we’re seeing great records tarnished.
Alright, for you sickos out there, spoilers after the jump…
Discuss: Will Crystal Skull end up being recognized as the despised runt of the Indy Jones franchise? Will talking heads on VH-1 be cracking jokes about it in five years? Are you setting your expectations low or do expect nothing less than a homerun a la Iron Man and The Dark Knight?
SPOILERS
- no Abner Ravenwood
- the warehouse is Area 51
- the Ark is shown therein, but it’s not central to the plot
- an alien corpse resulting from a crash in Roswell that possesses magnetic powers seen as the ultimate weapon of the future is central
- the alien’s skeleton is “actually crystalline”
- Mutt Williams is Indy’s son, Indy dotes on him a lot
May 8th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
I think too much nostalgia is going to be in play when considering this flick, but I’ll wait until I see it.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
its fucking Indiana Jones..and it’s going to rock.
And b-masty, you’re so cool!
May 8th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
I’ll wait to see it, then judge.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I’m just expecting a good time. I expect that I’ll enjoy myself, but I don’t think it’ll be a homerun or anything. But then again, who knows? I might be surprised. Although I am a little worried that some things will get stale after a while…
Sheesh. I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ll wait until the 22 - then I’ll form an opinion.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
“it doesn’t totally suck, the sequel is just “unnecessary”
it feels great to be right.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Its a lose-lose because of the history, change it too much and people will hate it, keep it the same and people will hate it.
When you expect too much you’re bound to be disappointed.
I haven’t watched a single trailer or looked at any of the 576 pictures.
Its going to be entertaining, period.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
I’ve read the reviews too and from the sounds of it Spielberg may have spent too much time delivering what he believes people want to see rather than just delivering a good Indiana Jones film.
If it’s a rollicking popcorn flick full of close call cliffhangers and a supernatural McGuffin then I’ll be happy.
But if it’s full of Indiana in-jokes and one liners that are supposed to appeal to my fandom rather than my fondness for film than it’ll be a let down. Personally, I’m hopeful for the former.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
This reeked of Star Wars prequel badness ever since we got whiff of the plot. The terrible reviews do not shock me.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
“it’s a weak retread, but the reviewer didn’t “hate it””
This is what I plan to see more of.
May 8th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
This is one of those films that couldn’t possibly live up to expectations. I look forward
to seeing it, if only to see Indy on the screen one last time.
It’s sort of like the recent rumblings of some ‘collective desire’ for one last Dirty Harry movie. Why?
It won’t be what you expect or wish it was, will it? No, but ya still want it, anyway.
Indy should have ended w/ the Last Crusade - we knew at the end that he had drunk from the cup of life, granting him Immortality… ah well.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
The movie has a cross promotion with Burger King so that tells you somthing right there.
Actually this sounds like a bunch of bitter dark night fanboys piling on becuase no matter how hard this movies sucks its still going to out-gross tdk.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Thanks for the lol’s, Chump Force 1
May 8th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
If it’s better thanor on par with Temple of Doom I’ll be happy. My expectations are low. I’m not expecting a “Rocky Balboa”. If I get a “Live Free or Die Hard” I’ll be satisfied. I just don’t want a film on the level or the Star Wars prequels.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
I think “unnecessary” is the most alarming word used in any of those reviews, and what I had suspected since the film was announced. I mean, the previous sequel is called “The LAST Crusade”
May 8th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
If you believe any of those 3 reviews, then you have bigger problems.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I hate the fact that Darabont wrote an awesome script for Indiana Jones IV and Steven and Ford loved it but Lucas Fucking hated it.. most likely because it didn’t feature aliens with bones made of jewelry and an ass load of Green-screen scenes.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
i think we have every right to expect great things. for the time & money spent, plus the gathering of industry greats, why should we be happy with a mediocre outing? more importantly, why are they?! i’m not a SW super-fan so the prequels didn’t piss me off as much as some, but i really am growing tired of lucas and the ‘his way only’ bullshit - i absolutely loved the article you guys had, where he said it wasn’t as wacky as he wanted. i felt that story gave us a brief but revealing insight into the way he thinks, and some sad truths we’ve been fearing.
i’d read the bad reviews earlier and will still wait to make my own decision. the live free or die hard analogy will be cool for me as well…but damn, i am dreading it being bad.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
So the new Indy film might not be the equivalent to a Jean-Luc Godard masterpiece…big whoop. Its an action/adventure film with a great soundtracks, great actors and a full-fledged budget that is going to be fun regardless. Keep in mind that films like this cater to kids, young adults and pretty much anyone with an itch for adventure…and I have no doubt that this demographic will enjoy Indy 4 regardless of how good it is from a critical standpoint.
1) Play theme song
2) Crack whip and blow shit up
3) Dodge boobie traps and solve puzzles
4) I’m amused…plain and simple
Indiana Jones is going to be a fun ride! Doubt the critics not the big screen experience.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Sad Face. I was really being naive and hoping for the best…sigh.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Whatever. I’m looking forward to it.
I can’t understand how Indy having his ass kicked repeatably is a bad thing… Harrison Ford like Bruce Campbell has a face that cries for some ass kicking.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
shorty that’s kind of a moot point. I don’t think anyone interested in seeing this film is expecting it to be Bande A Part, just a well made, purposeful addition to the canon.
Action and adventure films can, and should, be great films too.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
I think its best to wait till the week of to read reviews. In addition, Speilberg announced that the official first screening would be at the Cannes film fest anyway. These reviews may be bogus.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
Allynd Dudnikov,
I had no idea that even happened. Do you know if the Darabont script is online?
May 8th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
awww dammit!, but lets face it, there was a larger chance it was going to turn out bad than good.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Really. Who cares what this or that person thought of the movie. All that matters to me is what I think, and I’ll only know by going and seeing it, which I will. Which I expect most people will.
What is it about movie reviews that are out to sabotage a movie’s performance. I hate movie reviews and I never read them. They never reflect what I think, and often just the opposite. Who’s right? Obviously not the reviewers.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
I read movie reviews because I don’t like wasting ten dollars for a ticket and an entire Friday night.
May 8th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
@Captain Awesome,
I honestly don’t know if its online. I remember reading a script review and some of the elements were in his draft like the Crystal Skulls and Indy’s kid. But it was different.
George is just a stuck up bastard, it either you use his shitty ideas or you don’t get on the project. I am surprised he hasn’t done a Star War Sequel Trilogy yet.
May 8th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
I know the first screening in my city is on the 18th.
May 8th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Sorry, but these reviews are bogus. Spielberg does not hold advance screenings of his films and Indy 4 won’t premiere utnil Cannes.
So you can save your Lucas and Spielberg hate, guys. We’ve all heard it before.
May 8th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
The ‘reviews’ were from tipsters to AICN. Yeah, THERE’S a legitimate news source.
Besides, if a paid ‘critic’ says it’s trash, then I’ll buy three tickets and toss two of them.
I can decide whats good on my own, thanks.
May 8th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
how bad could it be?
:o
May 8th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
LAME!
This just killed my spirit… I’m sure these people are going to be right. :( boohooo
at least ive got the dark knight
May 8th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
thanks for the info jack. i should have read all the comment first. now i’m all happy again inside.
May 8th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Fourth parts of movie franchises are usually never any good.
May 9th, 2008 at 12:48 am
Told you.
May 9th, 2008 at 12:57 am
I kind of expected it to be kind of weak. It’s unfortunate that that seems to be the case. I would have liked a great addition to the Indy trilogy, but that is ok. My expectations arent very high for this film.
I also would just like to say that I wouldn’t call Iron Man a “homerun”…It was alright IMO. The suits looked great, and it had some pretty good CG, but overall it was just alright.
May 9th, 2008 at 1:34 am
I definitely can see the vibe with Indy 4 being like Live Free or Die Hard, when I see him swinging with his whip and flopping around it just looks awkward just like Bruce Willis falling in between two cars to stop a third flipping car…wow describing that makes me realize how redic that movie was.
May 9th, 2008 at 2:00 am
I wonder at the end when Indy activates the Temple’s power, if ufos come down from the sky (cringe).
May 9th, 2008 at 2:14 am
Allen Quatermain was created in 1885 by H. Rider Haggard in his novel “King Solomon’s Mines”.
Perhaps the existence of those movies in the ’80s was inspired by Indiana Jones, but I’m not sure it’s accurate to call the character a “knockoff” considering Quatermain predates Jones by almost a hundred years.
May 9th, 2008 at 6:36 am
Allynd Dudnikov, i agree with you!!!
May 9th, 2008 at 7:59 am
@ Isaac
The Allen Quatermain films were knockoffs of Indy, not the character, and if you noticed, we linked to one of them on IMDB above for counter-reference.
May 9th, 2008 at 9:30 am
“child hood memory molestation”
Thank God this doesn’t concern me at all. Perfectly happy to let it go. The only one I can still stomach is the first. The others just seem ridiculous to me now. The others just possess a quality of phony jokiness that I can’t ignore. The sequels are just too cartoonish and I could never understand why the dumb joke quotient must increase exponentially in sequels (see any number of film franchises for proof). It just makes me think they didn’t really understand what made the original films good in the first place. Too much pandering to the audience. Raiders seemed to take place in reality for the most part, whereas the sequels (I’m betting this one will too) seem to take place in a sterile toy box somewhere on Skywalker ranch.
May 9th, 2008 at 11:37 am
I realy don´t undestand all this reviews, before the release, i hoping for the best… I want to go to the theater, and when the lights go out… Become a 9 year old boy, and enjoy this movie like i did before when i was actualy nine. I don´t care about anything else. And i think we all should expirience Indy this way. The way it was created for… Total inoncent accion-adventure mattine flick. Forget eveything and ENJOY IT. ITS INDY…
sorry for my grammar…
May 10th, 2008 at 8:53 am
So Many People Out There Are Jealous Of Lucas And Spielberg. No One..No One…In The General Public Will See It In Advance. How Is It Being Reviewed Now? They Must Work For Warner Bros. Btw Indy Cereal Is Flying Off The Shelves.
May 10th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
For starters, The Temple of Doom stinks–stupid jokes, a shrill heroine, and a highly annoying kid. But if you liked that movie, you will probably love the new film because Harrison Ford and a bull whip gives you an orgasm no matter what. After you watch it, go home and watch Die Hard 4…crappy sequels are your cup of tea.
May 12th, 2008 at 4:19 am
Indiana jones franchise was good in the 80s because Sfx were super for the time but with computer generated Fxs now this movie looks to be another paycheck for Mr Spielberg and Lucas(as if they don’t have enough).No doubt it will get bad reviews because in the trailer you can see much of the Cpu generated Fx comapred to the 80s ones which looked genuine and the acting of Le boeuf(why is he in this movie???) but it will break records anyway because even if people don’t like it they will go see it 3 to 4 times.Why ??? beats me.Personally i am going to be watching it for free from the net because from what i saw ,there will be nothing new in this movie that you haven’t heard before.Blanchett as a russian stank from the minute they gave her the role so if the movie doesn’t have a good villain then what is the point.Story is not original too because they took it from a manga story and a cartoon series about lost mayan cities of gold.This whole franchise nowardays is about a series of sequels for a descent paycheck to me.
May 12th, 2008 at 4:30 am
Jealous of Steven and George why??? because they got billions???These guys have peaked already.They make movies to convince themselves that they still got it.Oh yeah they still got it because you get stupid people by the millions who still go for anything written lucas or spielberg on it but these guys are bringing nothing new to the industry except their old sequels.what would george be without the Star wars prequels and what would spielberg be if he didn’t return indiana jones?? People forget also that the stories have to be good too and not the director so credit to spielberg for being still in some lime light due to some good stories he picked up but lucas quit milking star wars and now indiana jones.By the way new jones movie looks like a nostalgic attempt to bring back the past glory of the director gurus with an aging ford and sappy leboeuf.
May 12th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Oh SHIT I didn’t see the spoiler heading and got spoiled. Now I’m pissed. Could someone make that heading bigger?
May 13th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Ok let me make this easy to understand for all you simple minded people……….First of all, you guys are going to follow a critic who puts Temple of Doom before the Last Crusade; which everyone knows is the best Indy flick of them all. I’ll let you have your arguments for Raiders but still. Secondly the jungle scenes are not on set they are on location so anyone saying they look like plastic is an idiot. Another thing, no should expect this Indy flick to be the best one ever produced, besides thats not what steve and george were goin for. it would be pretty hard to top the original three although i do expect it to be better than Temple of Doom. And quit hatin on Shia, i’m not sayin you have to like him but the kid is decent and i can see him havin a long career in hollywood. Let me put it this way he’s got better talent than brad pitt. so like i said dont expect anything spectacular, but at least you should still be entertained. Harrison Ford always delivers. Argue that one!
May 14th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Wow, in Kevin Smith movies he makes fun of fanboys on the internet whining about upcoming event flicks, and here’s the proof pudding! What would Spielberg and Lucas be without these new franchise additions? Well, they’d still be two of the most important filmmakers from our lifetime; Spileberg made Schindler’s List, and if you can bad mouth that one than you don’t deserve to be allowed in a theater (To quote Goldmember, his “friend Oscar says it’ll be just fine”). But don’t listen to me either, as I think Revenge of the Sith is the best Star Wars after Empire.