You know how Juno starts off like a brat smacking gum right in your damn ear canal and an hour later you’re fiddling with the Raisinets trying not to cry in front of your girlfriend or boyfriend’s impressionable lil’ sibling? Well, the first trailer to Neil Marshall’s Doomsday had a similar, sudden change in trajectory, but it wasn’t like Juno’s pffffft-to-tissues, it was zzzz-to-being attacked by a bat out of hell. Let me add to that: if the hell bat had a mohawk, a nice ass and a friggin’ chainsaw.

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My interest had hit a valley as soon as the trailer yelled what it was within the first two seconds with, “This is the end of the world!” But when that skull punch was followed by, “It was an epidemic unlike any other,” and expressed via a deadly virus spreading across a digital map of London in blood red, I could hear the words “Yeah, right!” echoing across the world. My Swatch watch hit “played out zombie time” and I decided to get in my Audi and drive to Hollywood on a fiery mission (from blog, ugh). I mean, they have a Victoria Beckham doppleganger fighting the undead? I like Bob Hoskins, but not that much. But then the skies opened or did they slam shut in time for a trashy punk rock concert?

A skull-adorned motorcycle jumped through glass, and like that, there was: sword fighting, a gratuitous ass-in-spandex shot, giant knights in Project Grizzly armor, old dune buggies, Mad Maxian road porn, a Bentley hopping through a bus from The Warriors, Malcolm McDowell randomly confirming all of this, and a token zombie (or leper)! I don’t necessarily approve of Joe Bob Briggs’ take on semi-journalism, but c’mon: chainsaw-fu. Has the director of The Descent, a horror movie that was good but not requisite viewing, remade 1992’s crazily ambitious Chad Lowe bomb Highway to Hell? Can we expect Ben Stiller cooking eggs on cement? Whoa.

You can also watch the new trailer in High Definition on Yahoo.com. Photos from the movie after the jump.

Doomsday hits theaters on March 14th 2008.