Breaking News: On January 17, 2003 a devastating earthquake hit Japan. This event was caught on tape by two American filmmakers. But it wasn’t an earthquake. And it wasn’t Cloverfield. It happened five years before. Like, duh. No, it was…MONSTER. And, oh yeah, it hits stores on 01-15-08.
The source of everyone’s favorite video store spam, the Asylum, has “found” a trailer for its latest, uber-timely magnum o(cto)pus, MONSTER. Hollywood’s new ruler in the shower is having your film turned into an Asylum mockbuster, so congrats in advance to Cloverfield’s J.J. Abrams and Matt Reeves. Don’t drown in the bubbly. With its lack of marquee names, faux-handheld camera work, and a mashed down panic button plot, MONSTER looks to faithfully cash-in where its sly cousins, I Am Omega, Transmorphers and, our favorite, The Da Vinci Treasure, merely faltered into profitability. Here’s an early review from IMDB…
So we got this movie in at the Blockbuster I work at, it comes out on Tuesday January 15th. I rented it already (because we get to rent movies early to let customers know if they are good or not) and have to say it is quite possibly the worst move I have seen… and I have seen the mess known as Gigli. Not only is it incredibly boring with the picture cutting in and out all the time, but the characters constantly bring up You Tube. Since this movie takes place in January of 03 they couldn’t possibly have known about You Tube since it was not launched until DECEMBER 05!!!
So yeah, if you waste your time on this movie and do not heed my warning to stay away from it, you deserve the lost hour and a half of your life.
The guy who conveniently found this cephalopod-attack footage is director Eric Forsberg. Ring a thimble-sized bell? Yep, he directed 2006’s Snakes on a Train and Night of the Dead: Leben Tod. According to his mini-biog, he directed his first super 8mm film at age 9 and Bill Murray painted his family’s kitchen. Alright, enough, everyone get in the pool…
MONSTER versus Cloverfield, who wins?
MONSTER tricks plebeians and empty nest parents in video stores nationwide on, say it with me, “01-15-08.”
January 11th, 2008 at 2:13 am
Hilariously bad.
Love the vitrol that been injected to the posts lately too. This site just keeps getting better.
January 11th, 2008 at 4:15 am
Hum…
Why the hell the mystery is always around the monster anyway ?!
Although it is the movie Star, in the end of the story (in most cases), the poor bastard is always mercilessly eliminated…
For once the story should be told from the monster’s perspective :)
Killing and eating people must be a normal procedure for the poor thing …
Regards,
/L
January 11th, 2008 at 7:29 am
Oh My God. Oh My God. Oh My God.
I saw it. It’s A LION!!!! ITS HUGE!!!!!!!!!!
=] that would abeen funny had they said that in the movie. =]
January 11th, 2008 at 10:53 am
BWAHAHAHAHAhaaa!
That was awesome!
I think I’m gonna start buying these movies….
January 11th, 2008 at 10:54 am
Director: Let’s have the Statue of Liberty’s head go flying by the screen at the end of the trailer!
Visual Effects Guy: But, sir, it takes place in Tokyo…
Director: So…
Visual Effects Guy: And we don’t have enough money. Ever since “Snakes on a Train” flopped we haven’t been getting the funding.
Director: FINE! Make a car fly by the screen at the end of the trailer.
January 11th, 2008 at 11:50 am
it would be funny if it turned out to be the Statue of Liberty coming to life , like in ghost busters and the head of the monster came flying through the sky. Yeh grooving baby !!! …………….god i need a lie down.
January 11th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
MAN! I haven’t had a chance to see Alien V. Hunter yet!!!
January 11th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
sounds like a best “renter” at the local video rental shops
January 11th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
The shameless sacks of shit who put out this kind of stuff should be drawn and quartered. And then each quarter quartered again.
January 11th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Magnitude 7 or 8 earhtquake? if you were making your own movie about a giant beast tunneling up to the surface, wouldn’t you just go with a magnitude 9 or 10 to make it seem really big??
January 11th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Also, anyone sels notice that the production value and cgi effects glimpsed were about even to what we’ve seen of cloverfiled? lol
January 11th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
@ Jerry,
Haha. All I’m saying is I thought the trailer would be much much worse. If this was a promo for a videogame back in the Sega CD or Sega 32X days like “Sewer Shark,” I’d be psyched.
That said, Asylum, you’re going to hell.
January 11th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
That actually looks pretty good xD
Are these out in the UK too?
The special effects are actually good aswell
January 12th, 2008 at 7:22 am
Did you seem to hear the same roar from Cloverfield and from
that Preview??!! You should make a calculation with the (aedio:
i can not spell so good) and you will see that maybe JJ Abrums
have copyed that roar from that movie”MONSTER” and used it for his movie “CLOVERFIELD”!?!?!?!Should YOU??
January 14th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Thanks for posting this info that I sent Hunter.Here’s a link to the original poster when it was called:”Tokyo”[2008]: http://www.afmfilms.org/catalog/FilmDetail.php?id=5047 .I think the film looks like a lot of good old mock-buster fun.
January 15th, 2008 at 5:57 am
me caago en los muertos de peneke
January 15th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
VAYA POLLAS
January 15th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
el director/es de la pelicula en general de la compañia Asylum tiene muy ,pero k muy poca iniciativa y menos aun imaginacion,incapaces de realizar un guion medianamente aceptable y sin “robar” ideas ajenas,por mi parte no tienen mi apoyo a esta compañia y espero k ninguna persona los apoye.
Entre sus titulos encontrarnos tales como: I Am Omega (el último hombre vivo en la tierra, ‘I am Legend’??), Alien vs Hunter (aprovechando la salida de esta pelicula: Alien vs Predator2), Transmorphers(o transformers?), Serpientes en el tren(o eran en el avion??).
Juzgen ustedes mismos
January 15th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
I saw “MONSTER” today with really no aspirations to the storyline, acting, special effects etc. It’s nice to know that with that consideration in mind, I wasn’t disappointed!! Man! what a stinkburger! All I can say is that I hope to God that JJ doesn’t disappoint us! By the way, was that an injured cow i kept hearing or was Bigfoot shot accidently? I’m out!
January 16th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Well I got a copy of it last night and=surprise I wasn’t disappointed!!It’s by no means great,but it’s not as bad as one might expect.It’s one of their better releases,like”War Of The Worlds”not”Transmorphers”.My biggest complaint would have to be the cgi of the tentacles in some scenes.That and some of the acting,and how it drags on ,but overall not too bad.
January 23rd, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Wow. This movie wasn’t even really a movie. It was a bad compilation of bad scenes into a bad video. It reminded me of the fiasco that was the Blair Witch Project, and, unfortunately, all of the video “effects” were obviously manufactured. I also was curious as to the battery they had in that amazing video camera that filmed even when no one was pointing it, and just happened to be pointed at the necessary spot for the wanted effect. I will be asking for my rental fee back so that I can watch The Toxic Avenger and wash this film from my memory.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
vaya mierda cada ves es peor solo relleno que paso con el buen cine de accion futurista
February 5th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Is anyone else getting as annoyed as I am for films to FALSELY state a movie is non-fictional? Sound like false adrertising to me, and they should be fined for it. Who wants to watch a movie that says is nonfiction, when it isn’t? To me it’s a rip off. Guess we can all start making up our own “documentary”.
April 29th, 2008 at 8:16 am
oh shit, i thought this movie was real..and happened in real life..
but after i google it..holy crap, what did i found..
its fake!